Memory #4: My princess Dia

6 months ago, our precious little Dia decided to grace us and make this world a little more happier. She completes our family in every way.

It’s hard to believe that we’re already halfway to her one-year birthday. Time has flown, and how. We always thought of Ansh as an easy kid. He never made much of a fuss, didn’t throw tantrums, slept all night peacefully, and has had very few meltdowns. We thought we got lucky once, but we’d be pushing our luck asking for an easy kid the second time around. So, we were prepared for the worst, but to our surprise, a very pleasant one, Dia takes ‘easy’ to another level. Seriously! I take her to my dance classes, any networking events, coffee shops, and she just chills in her car seat passing smile to everyone she sees. She is by far the smiliest baby I’ve seen. 

We just completed our first vacation with her, and I think the closest she came to fussing was the one night when she was exhausted from a 22-hour travel. Not one cry.

She is a dream baby who makes our lives, as busy parents, the easiest to manage. I think I’ve only seen her cry a total of 7 times in the last 6 months. She has been sleeping through the night since she was about 6 weeks old. I am incredibly thankful for that!!! Ashish and I can’t handle sleep deprivation well and feel so lucky that she began sleeping for longer stretches at such a young age.  

She can sort-of sit up… she definitely can sit upright in my lap but unassisted, she usually topples over after a minute. It’s hilarious to watch. Note to self: record her topple in slow motion. She has been kicking a lot lately, almost like she’s ready to run. My baby girl is growing up way too fast. I am not ready for it yet. I recognize her rapid growth when I examine how big her little hands are getting or when I realize she’s ready for size 3 diapers. 

Ansh and Dia have had a monumental influence in my life. Besides everything else, it has altered my concept of time. The saying about motherhood, ‘The days are long and the years are short’ feels so true. I feel like it was just yesterday I was talking about her newborn pictures. 

One thing that’s noticeably different – at least for me – is that I am in no rush for her to do anything. With Ansh, I used to be at the top of everything. Making sure he’s on track with his progress. Rolling over by 4^thmonth and sitting up by 6. With Dia, I want her to take her own time to do things. Is there anything wrong with wanting her to be a baby as long as possible? It breaks my heart how fast Ansh is growing, so I guess I’m trying to savor this baby stage with Dia, since this time I know how fast it’s over.

She is the squishiest, most delicious little thing I’ve ever carried. She absolutely loves to stick her tongue out at people, and she laughs when people do it back to her. She has been passing smiles around to people ever since she was 1 month old. Her smile is very infectious too. It fills up those chubby cheeks of her. She laughs the hardest when Ansh makes her laugh. It’s absolutely, the most adorable thing to watch. Ansh and Dia playing together makes my life complete. That is exactly why we decided to have another kid. 

Dia has brought such light to our family, so it’s very fitting that her name means “light”. We may not have known right away what her name would be, but as soon as we did decide, we knew it was perfect. Now I can’t imagine our beautiful Dia being anyone or anything else, and I look forward to the next 6 months.

Memory #3: The one that defined my future

This one pretty much defined my year and my future. If ever asked what my biggest win is or what I’m the proudest of, this would make it to top 3.

Most of you already know about my struggle with Visa in this country, primarily because that’s all I have spoken about or fretted over in the last couple years. 

Our horrors began when I decided I wanted to quit the corporate world and dance full time. As much as I enjoyed preparing Financial models, and analyzing financial data all day, I was never meant for a 9-5 desk job. I wanted to dance full-time.

It had taken me 7 years of convincing myself and another 2 years of convincing Ashish that I can do this. I can quit my corporate job and make a living out of dance. It is a big decision, but I had been dancing and creating a dance community around me with a full-time job, a kid and other commitments for over a decade now. I thought to myself that if I didn’t do it now, I’ll never do it. There will never be the right time. The right time is now.  

Convinced that we want to do this, we started working with our immigration lawyer to understand which lawful route we can take to establish a business in US. All immigrants in this country can relate to this when I say, “Immigration in US is an arduous mental and financial affair”. I was recommended to pursue an E2 Visa in order to establish a business in US. If you start reading up on the requirements of E2, you will get an idea of how complex the process is, especially for a middle-class person like me to attain it successfully. For example, the applicant must make a “substantial investment” to qualify. “Substantial Investment” however, is not defined and left up to our interpretation. Generally, the applicant should be prepared to invest everything in the enterprise to have a good E2 Visa case. 

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We liquidated a number of our key investments in Canada and US to meet this criterion. Then you need to demonstrate that your investment is absolutely and irrevocably committed to the business. Meaning, it doesn’t matter if you brought the money to US, you need to either have expended that or demonstrate that if you don’t get this Visa, you’re at the risk of losing sizable share of that investment. Then began our hunt for a commercial leased space for my dance studio. Having worked in commercial real estate my entire career, I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I can write another blogpost on this process. But I’ll save that for another day. It took me over a year to find a property that came close to meeting my requirements. 

Just when we thought we had won a big battle, we realized what an uphill task the paperwork for this application is. Writing an elaborate Business Plan, doing my market research, preparing extensive financial models with sensitivity analysis, projecting returns and syndication of funds along with a full-time job, a kid, dancing, working on a production and a pregnancy. Our lives revolved around this application for over a year. Our dinner conversations, our weekend plans, our holidays were all dedicated to working on this application. We didn’t have time for vacation, or even think about my pregnancy. We decided to dedicate our time to our kids once we have the visa in our hand. 

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Weeks and months passed by. We were resolving a new issue almost every day. It was like a never-ending series of tasks. It got frustrating and there were moments when we just wanted to give up. But we had invested so much in this process, both financially and emotionally, that we wouldn’t budge. All vacations, movies and dinner dates could wait for after I got this visa. Finally, the day came when I was called for an interview to Toronto. I was over 7months pregnant and this was my only shot. If I didn’t get this visa now, I won’t be able to travel again for the next 3 months and I would lose my leased space along with all the investments we’d made in this space. So really, I didn’t have an option to not get this visa. We didn’t have a Plan B. 

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I went in for my interview at the US consulate in Toronto. I felt decently confident and prepared. I had spent last 3 months preparing for this interview and the last 9 years working towards it. I was ready. This was going to be my day. But to my horror, my visa was denied. The officer gave me a sheet with reasons of denial, but I was too zoned out to even look at it. I felt like my whole world had crashed. I didn’t know what struck me. I got out into the chilly winter day of Toronto, stood in the middle of the road and burst into tears. My first thought was that I had blown through so much of our savings and our kids’ future. I called my parents and Ashish to tell them that I didn’t get the Visa, and after consoling me for a while, we all started thinking of backup options. The most obvious answer was, ‘… move back to Canada’ and let bygones be bygones. Starting your own business in US seemed so distant and a lost dream. Was it even worth all the effort?

I remember when I boarded my flight from Toronto back to Seattle, I texted Ashish, “I am coming home with a broken dream”, and Ashish’s response was, “Dreams that take the longest to realize, are the sweetest”. I came back and consulted with my lawyer again. He stated the apparent. “You can either forget about it and just go back to living your life like this never happened, or you can give it another try, put more investment, risk a bit more, and put more effort into building your case stronger.” Put more of myself into it? I wasn’t sure about that. I had already lost so much and I wasn’t going to ask Ashish to risk more. But what he said to our lawyer will forever be my favorite moment and a wonderful reminder of why I married Ashish. He said, “She has worked very hard to get here. I do not want her to step down without giving it one last try. I am willing to risk everything.” I can’t remember the next moment because my vision got blurry with tears.

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Well then there was more of burning the midnight oil, more hard work, more battles (believe me it got harder than first time). Without getting into details (direct message me if you want to know more), the next few months were stressful and exciting at the same time. Everything I did, I had never done before. I didn’t know I was capable of taking on so much. Of course, watching movies like Super 30, Gully Boy and Mission Mangal helped reinforce the strength in me and assure me that ‘Apna time ayega (My time will come). Yes, I get all my strength from Bollywood movies ;)

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Came June and my angel was born. For a while we forgot about what lay ahead of us. I sometimes feel guilty for not spending as much time with Dia, as I did with Ansh. But I hope she won’t remember that and love me no matter. 

Cut short, I got my visa interview date for 6 weeks after Dia was born. I travelled to Toronto for my interview with my mom and a 6-week-old baby, ready to take on the interview with all my charm and confidence. I can never forget that day. I prepared all night for my interview, I was answering questions in my sleep (or whatever little sleep I was getting with a new born baby), mom and I had breakfast at the hotel in the morning and mom was taking my mock interview. I left for my interview and I was shivering. All that confidence was fading. What if I don’t get it this time? I don’t want to leave all my friends and network that I have worked so hard to create and move back to Canada. Will I try again? Do I have the strength and stamina to try again? If I don’t, what lesson am I teaching my kids? There were a million thoughts going through my head. I reached the consulate, went through the familiar security process. Everyone seemed politer this time, and that brought a smile to my face. I patiently waited for my turn, and this time it didn’t take 3 hours for my turn, but more like 45 minutes. I get called for my interview and it was the same officer from last time. He was pleasantly surprised to see me this time and I immediately felt relaxed. And then, I got to my usual ‘chatty’ self. After that, it was a breeze. The moment he said, “I’m approving your visa. Go fly”, I took a deep sigh of relief, smiled and blurted, “oh man! I love you. (duh!)”. 

I couldn’t wait to get back to my hotel and break the news to my mom, who I bet was praying for me. Sure enough, I get to the room and she has her eyes closed, chanting prayers. I told her that I got the visa, and tears rolled down her cheeks faster than light. We called up my dad and he started crying. We called up Ashish and he started crying. I think the only person who stayed calm throughout was my Dia. 

We all took a big sigh of relief because, collectively, we had worked through to achieve something that seemed like a far-fetched dream. That’s when I learnt two very important lessons of my life: 1. never give up. If you truly want to make your dreams a success, work hard for it until you can’t work any harder, and then some more; and 2. marry the right person ;) 

2019 - Memory #1

The year 2019 was anything but ordinary. It was an action-packed roller coaster ride for me. 2018 wasn’t my year. In-fact, I’ve felt the same about past few years. From the outside, it looked like I was doing well. I had a wonderful family, a decent job, a great set of friends, I was gonna have another baby, life was set. But I (like every person in this world) was fighting my own battles and didn’t have much perspective. However, 2019 was MINE. Don’t get me wrong. There were more failures than successes, but what was different this time was that I made my failure, my stepping stool to success. 

As I sat down to write a blog about my year so far, I realized that there’s no way I can squeeze all the adventures in one post. And hence, I’m going to pick top 10 memorable events from 2019 and pen them down in 10 separate posts. 

Most memorable memory #1: Dance Session of February 2019. 

I was already five months pregnant (those of you who think pregnancy is 9 months long, you’re wrong… it’s 10 months LONG, but it feels like a 100), and was fairly large. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do a session this late in my pregnancy, but I knew that I hadn’t danced in a few weeks, and if I didn’t start a session, I’d be miserable. So, I went ahead and announced a new session in February (the coldest month in Seattle). Odds were against me. It was the snowiest week and I hadn’t publicized the class at all. I was most certain that not many people will show up, but I was going to be okay with that because I started this session only for myself. I went into the studio prepared to just dance by myself because when it’s a “snow day” in Seattle, everything stops! 

To my surprise (a pleasant one), over 60 people showed up for the first class. That’s SIX ZERO. The biggest class size I’ve ever had. And how many stuck around, you’d ask? Over 50. 

It turned out to be the most energetic, lit, and my personal favorite session ever. Where I was thinking of slowing down during pregnancy, this group energized me for stepping up my game and give it all I have. I took breaks (more than usual) and sat down whenever I thought I was running out of breath. I also had an entire room of my favorite people looking over me to ensure I was hydrated and that I didn’t bend down to tie my shoelaces. 

Well, with that kind of energy in the class, it’s really hard to stop. Watch it for yourself. 

Just like that, Dia is a month old

Dia is ONE whole month old today. Enter the cliché ‘I can’t believe a month has passed’ sentiment right here. Except, I prefer to say 4 weeks because 1 month sounds so long and like I should have my act together by now. Ha!

One month past by in a flash, and by the time I could gather my thoughts, it’s time to write down her first month birthday blog. Why do I need to write a blog every month? Well, because I wrote a blog every month for the first year of Ansh, and I do not want Dia to feel like I got lazy when it came to her. And secondly, I want to have it written down somewhere since I know from experience how those early weeks quickly become a somewhat hard to remember blur!

So, my water broke at 4 am on June 19^th. I would have instantly woken up Ashish and my parents to share my excitement with them, but the cleanliness freak in me nagged me to clean the mess I had made before waking up anyone. Yup! I was mopping my bathroom floor while I was in labor. Moreover, we had a false alarm two days ago, when I woke up everyone in the middle of the night, dragged them to the hospital, spent half a day there and came back with no baby. So, this time I wanted to be a 100% sure that the baby was coming before I woke up my family from their deep slumber. Sure enough, I was in labor. My labor lasted for 15 hours. While we waited for her, we also convinced the nurses to take me off the medicines for a while so I could record couple dance videos. To be fair, at this point, I was only 6-7 cms dilated and the contractions weren’t super painful (or maybe my pain threshold is really high). The real hard part was to convince my husband to let me do this. Plus, I was in a hospital under the supervision of doctors, so nothing could have gone wrong. Here are my videos of dancing in between contractions.

After 15 hours of labor and 1 hour of pushing, at the last ray of sun and a beautiful pink sky, our world got brighter and fuller with the arrival of our princess, Dia. The moment I saw her, I felt a gush of love in my throat and my very first thought was, “Ansh is a big brother now. Our family is complete.”

First night at the hospital was deceptively peaceful (but we already knew that from experience). All three of us (Ashish, Dia and I) were worn out from a day of labor and delivery, and after an hour or two of alert time (read: FaceTiming family), we all slept so well that we had to be woken up to eat. I will admit that I was waking up in intervals to take Dia’s pictures and just stare at her beautiful face. I might have yelled at Ashish for not taking enough pictures of Dia the moment she was born.

The next morning was particularly very exciting for me. I had been waiting for this moment for a really long time. The moment when Ansh sees his little sister. My heart was positively going to melt. My parents brought Ansh to the hospital next morning. As he got closer to the room, he had a skip in his walk. He was ecstatic to meet this little sister that his parents had been talking about for months. He probably thought that she was going come out and instantly start playing with him. I think he was a little disappointed when he saw her, because his first words were, “Mama, are we getting another one?”. I still thought it was the cutest reaction, and I’ll cherish it forever.  

From her very first cry, our lives changed forever. I cried tears of my own as well (but that could also have been from exhaustion and hormonal changes). First month with Dia has been beautiful and everything we wanted it to be. The only thing that overwhelms me is watching just how fast she is growing already. Even though the nights have been sleepless, it seems as if the first weeks disappeared in a blink of an eye and I am begging for them back. Every morning she seems like a completely different person. I am stuck feeling so excited to see her grow, yet wishing time would slow down so I could savor the moments even more. Maybe that is why I sometimes just sit and stare at Ansh and Dia, willing the clock to stop for just a moment so I can savor every detail.

I have a bunch of favorite moments from this past one month:

·        Watching Ansh being a responsible big brother and looking out for his sister.  He brings extra stickers from school for his sister.

·        Seeing the happiness on my parents face for being grandparents again. It’s pure bliss when they sit down to play with my kids. It’s almost like they’re kids all over again. I’ve been trying to record every moment (no wonder I run out of memory space in my phone every few days).

·        Watching her smile in her sleep. It’s said that means they are talking to the angles and I know this to be true because she has the very best guardian angel watching over her. Her dadi.

·        A surprise visit from her Masi and Mausaji. Sisters are always the best. I knew it in my heart that my sister will not be able to keep from meeting her until October (which was the initial plan). She Video called us one evening and I recognized the door behind her. It was mine. Ansh and Dia are blessed to have the most loving masi ever. Though, she still wont change their diapers.

·        Spending time with her nani. It’s like she connects with her nani more than she connects with her mother. I know that’s true because she seems very peaceful in her nani’s arms, as opposed to mine.

So how am I doing? Depends on when you ask me!

Right now, as I’m typing with Dia snoozing beside me, I say, ‘really great!’ Ask me around 4:30 most afternoons and I’ll say ‘I’m so exhausted.’ Life with a newborn, especially the first month, is like a blur and not at all glamorous. No matter, if it’s your first kid or second, reality remains the same for all. No one is spared. When you hear how it’s this peaceful and loving and bonding time… I want to know… who are these people having that experience?  Time morphs and sometimes you’re left wondering “what did I do all day”?!? I’m saying that only jokingly because I’m so in love with Dia and being her mom. But when it’s 3am, you haven’t slept and you’re left wondering- didn’t I just feed her/change her/swaddle her…what in the world is she fussing and crying about?! There have been a few bouts of unexpected tears.

My emotions range from, please let them stay these ages forever! to think of all the fun that’s to come when they get a little bit bigger. I am fighting to get a little bit of me back too, but telling myself to be patient, it will come. I’ve made it to the dance class once.

So overall, we’re doing OK. I have so much credit to give to my mom who’s paused her life for a while and is here to help me with anything I need. I swear I haven’t entered the kitchen or cleaned the house in last one month. I haven’t worried about paying extra attention to Ansh or getting some ‘me time’. She has been the biggest help one could ask for. I love my little family so much!

I’m sure with this long, rambling post I provided more detail than you ever cared to know, but I wanted to pen down everything before I forget.