Dia is ONE whole month old today. Enter the cliché ‘I can’t believe a month has passed’ sentiment right here. Except, I prefer to say 4 weeks because 1 month sounds so long and like I should have my act together by now. Ha!
One month past by in a flash, and by the time I could gather my thoughts, it’s time to write down her first month birthday blog. Why do I need to write a blog every month? Well, because I wrote a blog every month for the first year of Ansh, and I do not want Dia to feel like I got lazy when it came to her. And secondly, I want to have it written down somewhere since I know from experience how those early weeks quickly become a somewhat hard to remember blur!
So, my water broke at 4 am on June 19th. I would have instantly woken up Ashish and my parents to share my excitement with them, but the cleanliness freak in me nagged me to clean the mess I had made before waking up anyone. Yup! I was mopping my bathroom floor while I was in labor. Moreover, we had a false alarm two days ago, when I woke up everyone in the middle of the night, dragged them to the hospital, spent half a day there and came back with no baby. So, this time I wanted to be a 100% sure that the baby was coming before I woke up my family from their deep slumber. Sure enough, I was in labor. My labor lasted for 15 hours. While we waited for her, we also convinced the nurses to take me off the medicines for a while so I could record couple dance videos. To be fair, at this point, I was only 6-7 cms dilated and the contractions weren’t super painful (or maybe my pain threshold is really high). The real hard part was to convince my husband to let me do this. Plus, I was in a hospital under the supervision of doctors, so nothing could have gone wrong. Here are my videos of dancing in between contractions.
After 15 hours of labor and 1 hour of pushing, at the last ray of sun and a beautiful pink sky, our world got brighter and fuller with the arrival of our princess, Dia. The moment I saw her, I felt a gush of love in my throat and my very first thought was, “Ansh is a big brother now. Our family is complete.”
First night at the hospital was deceptively peaceful (but we already knew that from experience). All three of us (Ashish, Dia and I) were worn out from a day of labor and delivery, and after an hour or two of alert time (read: FaceTiming family), we all slept so well that we had to be woken up to eat. I will admit that I was waking up in intervals to take Dia’s pictures and just stare at her beautiful face. I might have yelled at Ashish for not taking enough pictures of Dia the moment she was born.
The next morning was particularly very exciting for me. I had been waiting for this moment for a really long time. The moment when Ansh sees his little sister. My heart was positively going to melt. My parents brought Ansh to the hospital next morning. As he got closer to the room, he had a skip in his walk. He was ecstatic to meet this little sister that his parents had been talking about for months. He probably thought that she was going come out and instantly start playing with him. I think he was a little disappointed when he saw her, because his first words were, “Mama, are we getting another one?”. I still thought it was the cutest reaction, and I’ll cherish it forever.
From her very first cry, our lives changed forever. I cried tears of my own as well (but that could also have been from exhaustion and hormonal changes). First month with Dia has been beautiful and everything we wanted it to be. The only thing that overwhelms me is watching just how fast she is growing already. Even though the nights have been sleepless, it seems as if the first weeks disappeared in a blink of an eye and I am begging for them back. Every morning she seems like a completely different person. I am stuck feeling so excited to see her grow, yet wishing time would slow down so I could savor the moments even more. Maybe that is why I sometimes just sit and stare at Ansh and Dia, willing the clock to stop for just a moment so I can savor every detail.
I have a bunch of favorite moments from this past one month:
· Watching Ansh being a responsible big brother and looking out for his sister. He brings extra stickers from school for his sister.
· Seeing the happiness on my parents face for being grandparents again. It’s pure bliss when they sit down to play with my kids. It’s almost like they’re kids all over again. I’ve been trying to record every moment (no wonder I run out of memory space in my phone every few days).
· Watching her smile in her sleep. It’s said that means they are talking to the angles and I know this to be true because she has the very best guardian angel watching over her. Her dadi.
· A surprise visit from her Masi and Mausaji. Sisters are always the best. I knew it in my heart that my sister will not be able to keep from meeting her until October (which was the initial plan). She Video called us one evening and I recognized the door behind her. It was mine. Ansh and Dia are blessed to have the most loving masi ever. Though, she still wont change their diapers.
· Spending time with her nani. It’s like she connects with her nani more than she connects with her mother. I know that’s true because she seems very peaceful in her nani’s arms, as opposed to mine.
So how am I doing? Depends on when you ask me!
Right now, as I’m typing with Dia snoozing beside me, I say, ‘really great!’ Ask me around 4:30 most afternoons and I’ll say ‘I’m so exhausted.’ Life with a newborn, especially the first month, is like a blur and not at all glamorous. No matter, if it’s your first kid or second, reality remains the same for all. No one is spared. When you hear how it’s this peaceful and loving and bonding time… I want to know… who are these people having that experience? Time morphs and sometimes you’re left wondering “what did I do all day”?!? I’m saying that only jokingly because I’m so in love with Dia and being her mom. But when it’s 3am, you haven’t slept and you’re left wondering- didn’t I just feed her/change her/swaddle her…what in the world is she fussing and crying about?! There have been a few bouts of unexpected tears.
My emotions range from, please let them stay these ages forever! to think of all the fun that’s to come when they get a little bit bigger. I am fighting to get a little bit of me back too, but telling myself to be patient, it will come. I’ve made it to the dance class once.
So overall, we’re doing OK. I have so much credit to give to my mom who’s paused her life for a while and is here to help me with anything I need. I swear I haven’t entered the kitchen or cleaned the house in last one month. I haven’t worried about paying extra attention to Ansh or getting some ‘me time’. She has been the biggest help one could ask for. I love my little family so much!
I’m sure with this long, rambling post I provided more detail than you ever cared to know, but I wanted to pen down everything before I forget.