Thursday, March 22, 2012

10 things you will never hear your husband say!

1. May I do the dishes today?

2. You look better with your hair open

3. I spoke to your mom today

4. Let me help you out today. I’ll get the grocery

5. You don’t have enough shoes. Let’s get some new shoes for you

6. Why don’t you call me at work?

7. Everybody loved the lunch I carried today

8. Let me take you out for an ice-cream

9. You have changed after marriage, you don’t love me anymore

10. You forgot our monthly anniversary


If you can think of anything else, feel free to post it in the comments box. Don't be scared of your husband ;)

Monday, March 19, 2012

A dead Bat, a dead Rat and a dead pigeon

I have had my share of experience with animals, and more so, with dead animals. For a person who would shriek at the mere sight of a lizard, who would never enter the room again, that the dead rat was spotted in, and who would collapse at the sight of a dead dog on highway; the following experiences were a nightmare (and an endless laughing experience for my flat mate, Trishna)

Before I start narrating these real life events that traumatized me for life (I guess, that explains my bizarre behavior), here is a word of caution: All characters or names mentioned in here are not fictitious or imaginary, and any resemblance to any animal, living or dead is purely intentional and not at all regretted.

Dead Bat: After a detailed analysis on how to deal with summers, we came up with a solution that seemed most obvious. We got a second hand Air Conditioner for the house, which was installed in my room (not because I cried and created a ruckus, but because my room had ideal hygiene conditions for an air conditioner). We were a bunch of cheap kids and wanted to save every penny for other luxuries, so getting a second hand air conditioner seemed like a good investment until the AC caught fire next week of its purchase. But that is whole another story.

This is a story of that steaming night (steaming, not because it involves 3 hot girls, but because the temperature in Ahmadabad had risen to 45 degrees and we were roasted in our skin). We (Trishna, Purvi and I) were fast asleep in my room, when a bat flew in and made some noises to wake up Trishna from her sleep. The jealous Trishna couldn’t see the other 2 of us sleeping like babies, that she woke us all up. We then screeched, shrieked, screamed and chased the bat out (or at least, that’s what we thought). The next morning, while we all sat in my room and gossiped about latest bollywood link ups, I decided to pull out my craft bag and make another one of my quilling marvel. Going through my stuff, I found a black fur ball in my bag, it was soft and felt spongy against my cheek. In a quest to find out what it was, I looked at it carefully, when I saw its eyes. Eyes? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, immediately realizing what it was, I threw it at Purvi and stormed out of my room. Clueless Purvi and Trishna stared at the ball for a while and two second later, our house was a noisy mess. Trishna joined me outside while Purvi sat there with a dead bat lying on her chest. I should have mentioned this before that Purvi had broken her leg two days back and was bed ridden (completely immobile). While she yelled and cried for help; there we were pointing and laughing at her helplessness. We laughed till we couldn’t laugh anymore and then, somehow got the dead bat out of our house. We can still laugh over it for hours ☺

Dead Rat:
All 3 of us took turns to clean the house and to cook for each other. I somehow escaped the cooking deal (I wonder if, burnt and tasteless food every third day, had something to do with it?)

That day, I got back home before others and started cleaning up the kitchen. Our kitchen smelled foul for some reason and I thought it was the sprouted seeds that Purvi was growing. So I threw it out and got back to cleaning the kitchen floor, shelves, slabs, fridge, and stove. If you have ever lived with me, you would know that I always work with LOUD music on. I formulate dance steps while cleaning, cooking, and bathing. ☺ No wonder I overlooked a huge piece of crap at the door, in front of my eyes.

Soon, Trishna came back home and started narrating her day to me while walking into the kitchen to get water. She barely made it to the kitchen and came out screaming. She looked pale, scared and shocked. She couldn’t catch her breath to tell me what she saw. She looked astonishingly at me and kept asking me, “You don’t see it?”
“See what?”, now I was sure she saw a ghost that chose to be seen only her, when she pointed out the dead rat to me. It was right at the entrance. “Oh My God”, it was a dead rat, that I probably touched/ stepped on/ and shared the space with for nearly 30 minutes. I lost my color. I felt sick and I was terrified. Of course screaming was inevitable.

Soon, our neighbors were banging on the door. They probably thought one of us was dying/ dead. Of course, the foul smell didn’t help. With the help of our neighbors, we got rid of the animal’s dead body, but the thought of it, haunted us for days. It took sanitization, washing every article with soap and a month of sleepless nights, for us to get back to cooking in that kitchen again.

Till date I suspect, it was the smell of those sprouts that killed the rat ;)

Dead Pigeon: Ahmadabad is a shit hole for pigeons. They seemed to have crapped in every nook and corner of the city. I remember, when I was house hunting and Trishna got me to show this wonderful airy house to me, that she loved. All I saw was, a house covered in thick layer of pigeon shit. The windows of the house must have been open for years, because I was certain I was walking on pile of pigeon shit rather than the concrete floor. But this is not what the post is about. This is just to give you an idea of how densely populated the city is with pigeons. I am sure if Franklin Schaffner would have visited Ahmadabad, he would have made “Planet of the Pigeons”.

That day (as usual) I got back from the gym. Even though this has nothing to do with the story, I find any excuse to tell people that I was regular with my working outs ;).
Got ready and was heading out for office, when I heard Trishna shout “Dee, Dee, Dee… Help, Help, Help”. I ran upstairs to her room only to find her all curled up in a corner and shivering with fright.

She had seen a pigeon fall flat and die in front of her eyes. It was indeed a scary sight. But what followed was scarier than ever. She expected me to get rid of the birds’ body for her. Me, the person who would collapse at the sight of brutality against animals in movies, was expected to touch a dead animal. But I couldn’t say no to this terrified and frightened kid. I took charge, got an empty shoe box and very bravely put the bird in the box with a broom. Just as I was getting the feel of “The man of the house”, the bird started quivering. Yup! That is when I threw the broom in one corner, the shoe box in another and ran in the third direction. Only after I could summon up enough courage, I went back to see that the bird had not moved and was dead. We, once again, got help to cremate the bird.

I guess, that’s enough dead animal stories for the day. I hope I sleep well tonight!

G’nite my lovely readers!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

India Calling!

I have been homesick ever since I landed in Canada. But I somehow held strong for 1 year and 3 months (in my dictionary “strong” excludes, weeping 10 times a day on skype). After months and months of emotional tactics, buckets full of tears and countless threats, finally Ashish’s best friend’s wedding did the trick. And now, I am going to India. No matter how many times a day I say this, it still sounds as exciting and new as it did the first time. Or at least, the people in my office are polite enough to respond with same enthusiasm every time :)

I had forgotten what it felt like to be in a shoulder-to-shoulder crowd, deafening noises, and nonstop honking. I had forgotten the sight of cows and dogs napping in the middle of the road, and everyone driving around them. People sleeping in between two avenues, a place that barely fits a body, while cars pass at full speed just besides them. Even if I try hard, my memory cells fail to recall the last time I took a stroll with friends to a tapri (street stall) on streets for chai and pakoras.

I have been spoilt in the clean and fresh environment of Canada so much, that I desperately need to get my lungs polluted again. I need to experience the bumpy rides on the streets in those black and yellow taxis straight from retro movies. I want to be lost amidst the crowd, cops, cows, motorcycles and rickshaws once again.

Here are a few things that I want to experience again in my coming trip:

1. Drive like we Indians do:
A few days ago, when a car suddenly slowed down in front of us while moving at 120km/hour, my heart was in my mouth. I almost wanted to roll down the window and swear at the driver. But I couldn’t. Forget giving him a piece of my mind, I couldn’t even blow the horn. That’s when I realized how the practice of blowing horn had become alien to me. It the last 1 year, not once have I used the horn of my car and now I have forgotten what it sounds like. Where, honking was an inevitable part of my driving, it just seems very impolite now.

During this trip, I want to drive on the streets. I don’t want to give signals while changing lanes (do we even have lanes in India?). I don’t want to check my blind spots and I want to HONK.

In theory, we are supposed to drive on the left hand, but in practice, we Indians drive on any side we want to. AND IT WORKS! I want to do the same.

I want to drive a motorcycle, without a helmet and without a license (just like old times :))

2. Jay-Walking: I don’t want to wait for the “walking” sign to turn on (even if there is no vehicle in your sight), rather, I want to run and cross the road (like we Indian’s do), kind of like playing that video game where we made the birds cross a busy road and the intensity of the game increased with traffic getting heavier with every level. Of-course, the birds had 5 lives in the game and plus, that was a GAME ;)



3. Need to be Impolite:
I want to sit in a restaurant and talk LOUD, without the fear of people pointing and staring at me.

In India, we don’t greet friends with a “Hello, How is it going?” We start with calling them names, marking them, punching/ hitting them and then maybe follow a hug.

It dazed me how every time my friends at work, I have lunch with, would thank me for having lunch with them.

“Thanks Deepali. It was great having lunch with you”.

“Seriously? EVERY TIME?” is my reply to them EVERY TIME. :)

Back home, we don’t even bother to ask our friends before thoroughly enjoying their lunch, leaving them to starve all day. We don’t wait for them to wrap up their work to join us for lunch, we simply pull them out of their chairs.

It astonishes me how polite people in Canada are. Sugar coated sweet. If you “accidently” bump into a person, the series of apologies that follows is insane. Try doing that in India. There is no such thing as “accidental” bumping in India. It’s all INTENTIONAL.

I am tired of this civilized living. I need to break some rules now. India, here I come ;)



4. Street Food:
“We shouldn’t have a Pani-Puri stall in the entrance. Deepali won’t move beyond it”, was the usual reaction of organizers of various events. They weren’t wrong. If you ever had to spot me in a crowded event, simply look around the Pani-Puri stall, I would be found loitering around there.

But things got difficult when we moved to Canada. The absence of Pani-Puri stalls made it very difficult for Ashish to find me in a crowded event. Now he just ties a rope around my neck ;) And trust me, it isn’t fun bouncing around with a rope tied to your neck. ;)

I want to eat a dozen Pani Puri every single day of my stay in India. Period!


5. The sophisticated people of Canada (and Ashish), will never understand the joy we get in watching a Salman Khan movie in a single screen theatre, with cheap crowd, ripping the seats apart during a fight scene, dancing on the seats along with our superstar and wooting insanely at every powerful dialogue. I want to watch at least one such movie and come out refreshed and energized, ready to punch the next person I see. (I wonder why my friends never accompany me to a Salman Khan movie ;)

6. Shop till I drop: Can you imagine how insanely taxing is it for a shopaholic, to shop in a “no bargain” country? No, I am not talking about myself here, but about all those ladies who have been pampered by India’s “street shopping”. Who have experienced the luxury of wearing a new dress every day. Who have been pampered by the lavish yet affordable fashion statement of India.

I want to take empty suitcases and shop till each one of them is full, and then shop more to fill Ashish’s suitcases too ;)

7. Most importantly, meet my lovely family and my friends. I have missed them all so much that I don’t know how I am going to survive the next 5 weeks. Mishti, the love of my life, all throughout my stay in Jammu, I want you beside me. I want to cuddle you, hug you, bathe you, brush you, cuddle you more, walk you, sleep with you (Don’t worry Shanu, I am not going to suffocate her to death ;))

To summarize it all, India is a unique place. Earth can be split into three, East, West and India :) Fun, Energy, enthusiasm, love, festivity, dripping from every corner of the country.

Here I come!