My sweet little baby boy,
It has taken me a few
hours of going through your baby pictures, and shedding a bucket load of tears
before I could muster up enough courage to write you a letter on your fourth birthday.
5th June 2015
is as clear in my memory as it all happened just yesterday. After 15 hours of
labor and 2 hours of pushing, you were born with eyes wide open; clean as if
you’d just had a bath and a head full of hair neatly pulled to one side. You
somehow knew you would be bombarded with flashlights of many cameras as soon as
you’ll be born. You were ready for a photoshoot honey! You were welcomed by
many friends and loved ones in the hospital who were eagerly awaiting your
arrival. Your Nani had flown down a month ago to prepare for this day. Your
Dadu, Dadi, Nanu, Maasi, Shanu, Pashi and Jeppa were constantly video chatting
with your papa to get status updates. And as soon as you arrived, your maasi
couldn’t hold her excitement and got on the next flight to see you. The
hospital room was always bustling with so many friends who came to tell you
that they loved you already.
Our first night at the hospital,
you laid next to me while I watched you sleep. I felt the rhythm of your
breathing. I gazed at the precious swoop of your nose, the soft flutter of your
eyelashes, the length of your fingers, the curves of your cheeks. I soaked in
all the little details of you. I took a few hundred pictures and videos of you.
I promise I won’t do that when you’re a teenager.
Fast forward -> I blinked, and you are 4 years
old today! The number scares me. You’re growing faster than I can handle. As
you lay beside me on my bed (That’s right, you get to sleep on my bed once a
week), I can’t help but think how far we’ve come. And while time is flying by, and there are days where I can’t wait for you
to have more independence and be more self-sufficient, it’s days like today
that I wish I could just pause time and really soak in all that you are in this
moment.
We’ve learned a lot
together this year. You are now a very real person with thoughts and opinions
on just about everything. I know this because you spend all day long sharing
them with me. The other day, your daddy and I were cleaning the garage and you
couldn’t stop talking, so we put a tape on your mouth (as a joke 😉)… You thought that was funny and then you didn’t stop talking about how
funny that was. You’re the cutest little thing there ever was. And although I
miss the peace and quiet – I love getting to experience the world through your
eyes.
Today, you’re 4. Soon
you’ll be a teenager, and you’ll have friends who’ll be more important than
your mama (Oh my! I can’t even write it without bursting into tears). Soon, I
will not be your SUPER mama. You’ll know that I can’t make wishes come true.
You’ll be aware that I don’t have a special cape. You’ll know that I’m not as
courageous as you think I am. Like, the other day in Hawaii, when you called a
gecko to our breakfast table and you thought it would be kind to feed him
cereal… I was dying inside. But I’ll always strive to be the person you think I
am. Baby, I wish I could bottle you up and keep you little forever.
Here are a few things
that I want you to never forget, even at four years old.
I love you from the bottom of my heart.
I remember hearing your heartbeat
for the first time, and feeling you move and kick while still in my belly. From
those first moments, until eternity, you will always be my baby. Nothing you
have done, or will do, can ever keep me from loving you from the deepest bottom
of my heart.
You are beautiful.
Inside and out, you are beautiful. While I love playing ‘pretty eyes’ with
you and put make up on you, tell you all the time how beautiful you are, take
your pictures, always remember your beauty is so much more than that. You have
a heart full of compassion and thoughtfulness towards others. You always ensure
that everyone sticks together, and no one feels left behind. You are always
inviting people to your house to share your toys. Your beautiful eyes, long
eyelashes and contagious smile have a way of lighting up a room. And, that
giggle (especially when we gang up and tickle papa till he falls down the bed)
melts mama’s heart every time.
You make me proud.
You are a wonderful
helper. Sure, the dishes take twice as long, and the laundry will get folded
more than once. But the memories will last a lifetime. Your willingness to
pitch in and help makes my heart burst with pride. You often say, ‘we all have jobs’.
The excitement that radiates out of you when you have finished a project, or
your art is hanging on the fridge is the same excitement I experience as your
mama with every little accomplishment you achieve. When you grow up,
you’ll see that my Instagram feed is always full of your accomplishments (if
Instagram is still around).
Don’t ever settle.
If you want something, go for it. You are capable of anything and
everything all at once. Dream big, little one. Never let anyone tell you you
aren’t good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough. You were created on purpose for a
purpose. Use the gifts you have been given to change the world. I intend
on providing you every support that you’d need from me to chase your dreams,
just as my parents continue to do for me. I strongly believe that with your
parents’ encouragement, there’s nothing that you can’t achieve.
Be Kind, Always.
Kindness can break barriers, and that’s one thing I’ll keep striving to
instill in you. Always be kind to everyone. You never know what the other
person is going through. I’ll throw more light on this as you grow older.
You will always be my baby.
My heart echoes your name
all day, and it is because of you that my heart dances. Waking up to your “it’s
wake up time mama!” makes me feel like I’m the luckiest person alive. And even
though sometimes it’s the most stressful time at work or at home, picking you
up from school is still the most exciting part of my day. You know how you feel
when you see a rainbow? That’s exactly how I feel when I see you!
No matter how old you
are, you will always be my rainbow! And my best friend.
Honey, every birthday of your feels like
the most emotional one of all but this year feels especially emotional as it’s
our last birthday just you and me (and daddy of course but you know what I
mean.). By this time next year, you’ll be well into big brotherhood. Your
excitement for your new baby sister is the sweetest thing ever. You ask me
everyday, “is she here yet”? “How big is she now?”. You cross of the days in
calendar every morning. You are setting aside toys for your baby sister to play
with. You insisted that you want baby sister to sleep in your room.
A few instances from this
last one year that I wanted to pen down:
·
You remind me
of 3 golden rules all the time… even though the rules keep changing, your
affirmative tone never does. “Mama remember 3 rules – Do not pick up stones,
trash or poop”. “Mama, remember 3 rules – Do not talk to strangers, do not
climb trees, and no not leave hands”
·
The other
day, I came back home, and I told you that I was very tired. In response, you
said, “But you can’t be tired. You’re mama”
·
You change
your best friends every minute. You have a new best friend when I drop you at
school, and by evening it’s someone else. Like, the other day, I wasn’t your
best friend because I asked you to wear your shoes in the right feet. The other
day you said, “Mama, I can be your best friend now, but I’ll have to be papa’s
best friend at home”
·
You’re big
time into transformers. Until 3 months ago, it was all about PJ Masks, and then
superheroes, but now, it’s transformers. We trick you into finishing your food
by telling you that you can be Optimus Prime if you finish it, and Megatron if
you don’t. You despise the thought of being Megatron.
·
You follow me
to the bathroom every single time. When I ask you to not come inside, you wait
for me outside the door and keep asking me, “Mama are you done?”. Even though
sometimes I get mad because I don’t get any quiet time, I feel utterly loved
and wanted.
·
When we were
potty training you, we used to hold your hand and cheer you on saying, “You can
do it”. The other day, I was sitting on the pot with you holding my hand
telling me, “You can do it mama”
·
You were
helping me put garbage out, but the garbage bin was too big for you. So I
offered to help and you said, “I’m fine Mama. You worry about yourself”
·
We try to
tell stories to each other at dinner table. But the other day, your story went
on forever. I tried to cut you off and started saying something of my own, when
you said, “mama, look at my mouth. I’m still talking”
·
You’re always
saying, “Hey! I have an idea...” followed by the cutest ideas you have.
I
love you Ansh. Thank you, a million times, for picking me to be your mama! Life
just wouldn’t be as bright if it weren’t for you.
Now
let’s celebrate!!!!!!!
