Monday, June 3, 2019

Fourth Birthday letter to my son!


My sweet little baby boy,
It has taken me a few hours of going through your baby pictures, and shedding a bucket load of tears before I could muster up enough courage to write you a letter on your fourth birthday.
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5th June 2015 is as clear in my memory as it all happened just yesterday. After 15 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing, you were born with eyes wide open; clean as if you’d just had a bath and a head full of hair neatly pulled to one side. You somehow knew you would be bombarded with flashlights of many cameras as soon as you’ll be born. You were ready for a photoshoot honey! You were welcomed by many friends and loved ones in the hospital who were eagerly awaiting your arrival. Your Nani had flown down a month ago to prepare for this day. Your Dadu, Dadi, Nanu, Maasi, Shanu, Pashi and Jeppa were constantly video chatting with your papa to get status updates. And as soon as you arrived, your maasi couldn’t hold her excitement and got on the next flight to see you. The hospital room was always bustling with so many friends who came to tell you that they loved you already.
Our first night at the hospital, you laid next to me while I watched you sleep. I felt the rhythm of your breathing. I gazed at the precious swoop of your nose, the soft flutter of your eyelashes, the length of your fingers, the curves of your cheeks. I soaked in all the little details of you. I took a few hundred pictures and videos of you. I promise I won’t do that when you’re a teenager.
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Fast forward -> I blinked, and you are 4 years old today! The number scares me. You’re growing faster than I can handle. As you lay beside me on my bed (That’s right, you get to sleep on my bed once a week), I can’t help but think how far we’ve come. And while time is flying by, and there are days where I can’t wait for you to have more independence and be more self-sufficient, it’s days like today that I wish I could just pause time and really soak in all that you are in this moment. 
We’ve learned a lot together this year. You are now a very real person with thoughts and opinions on just about everything. I know this because you spend all day long sharing them with me. The other day, your daddy and I were cleaning the garage and you couldn’t stop talking, so we put a tape on your mouth (as a joke 😉)… You thought that was funny and then you didn’t stop talking about how funny that was. You’re the cutest little thing there ever was. And although I miss the peace and quiet – I love getting to experience the world through your eyes.
Today, you’re 4. Soon you’ll be a teenager, and you’ll have friends who’ll be more important than your mama (Oh my! I can’t even write it without bursting into tears). Soon, I will not be your SUPER mama. You’ll know that I can’t make wishes come true. You’ll be aware that I don’t have a special cape. You’ll know that I’m not as courageous as you think I am. Like, the other day in Hawaii, when you called a gecko to our breakfast table and you thought it would be kind to feed him cereal… I was dying inside. But I’ll always strive to be the person you think I am. Baby, I wish I could bottle you up and keep you little forever.
Here are a few things that I want you to never forget, even at four years old.
I love you from the bottom of my heart. 
I remember hearing your heartbeat for the first time, and feeling you move and kick while still in my belly. From those first moments, until eternity, you will always be my baby. Nothing you have done, or will do, can ever keep me from loving you from the deepest bottom of my heart. 
You are beautiful. 
Inside and out, you are beautiful. While I love playing ‘pretty eyes’ with you and put make up on you, tell you all the time how beautiful you are, take your pictures, always remember your beauty is so much more than that. You have a heart full of compassion and thoughtfulness towards others. You always ensure that everyone sticks together, and no one feels left behind. You are always inviting people to your house to share your toys. Your beautiful eyes, long eyelashes and contagious smile have a way of lighting up a room. And, that giggle (especially when we gang up and tickle papa till he falls down the bed) melts mama’s heart every time. 


You make me proud. 
You are a wonderful helper. Sure, the dishes take twice as long, and the laundry will get folded more than once. But the memories will last a lifetime. Your willingness to pitch in and help makes my heart burst with pride. You often say, ‘we all have jobs’. The excitement that radiates out of you when you have finished a project, or your art is hanging on the fridge is the same excitement I experience as your mama with every little accomplishment you achieve. When you grow up, you’ll see that my Instagram feed is always full of your accomplishments (if Instagram is still around).
Don’t ever settle. 
If you want something, go for it. You are capable of anything and everything all at once. Dream big, little one. Never let anyone tell you you aren’t good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough. You were created on purpose for a purpose. Use the gifts you have been given to change the world. I intend on providing you every support that you’d need from me to chase your dreams, just as my parents continue to do for me. I strongly believe that with your parents’ encouragement, there’s nothing that you can’t achieve.

Be Kind, Always.
Kindness can break barriers, and that’s one thing I’ll keep striving to instill in you. Always be kind to everyone. You never know what the other person is going through. I’ll throw more light on this as you grow older.


You will always be my baby. 
My heart echoes your name all day, and it is because of you that my heart dances. Waking up to your “it’s wake up time mama!” makes me feel like I’m the luckiest person alive. And even though sometimes it’s the most stressful time at work or at home, picking you up from school is still the most exciting part of my day. You know how you feel when you see a rainbow? That’s exactly how I feel when I see you!
No matter how old you are, you will always be my rainbow! And my best friend.


Honey, every birthday of your feels like the most emotional one of all but this year feels especially emotional as it’s our last birthday just you and me (and daddy of course but you know what I mean.). By this time next year, you’ll be well into big brotherhood. Your excitement for your new baby sister is the sweetest thing ever. You ask me everyday, “is she here yet”? “How big is she now?”. You cross of the days in calendar every morning. You are setting aside toys for your baby sister to play with. You insisted that you want baby sister to sleep in your room.

A few instances from this last one year that I wanted to pen down:
·        You remind me of 3 golden rules all the time… even though the rules keep changing, your affirmative tone never does. “Mama remember 3 rules – Do not pick up stones, trash or poop”. “Mama, remember 3 rules – Do not talk to strangers, do not climb trees, and no not leave hands”
·        The other day, I came back home, and I told you that I was very tired. In response, you said, “But you can’t be tired. You’re mama”
·        You change your best friends every minute. You have a new best friend when I drop you at school, and by evening it’s someone else. Like, the other day, I wasn’t your best friend because I asked you to wear your shoes in the right feet. The other day you said, “Mama, I can be your best friend now, but I’ll have to be papa’s best friend at home”
·        You’re big time into transformers. Until 3 months ago, it was all about PJ Masks, and then superheroes, but now, it’s transformers. We trick you into finishing your food by telling you that you can be Optimus Prime if you finish it, and Megatron if you don’t. You despise the thought of being Megatron.
·        You follow me to the bathroom every single time. When I ask you to not come inside, you wait for me outside the door and keep asking me, “Mama are you done?”. Even though sometimes I get mad because I don’t get any quiet time, I feel utterly loved and wanted.
·        When we were potty training you, we used to hold your hand and cheer you on saying, “You can do it”. The other day, I was sitting on the pot with you holding my hand telling me, “You can do it mama”
·        You were helping me put garbage out, but the garbage bin was too big for you. So I offered to help and you said, “I’m fine Mama. You worry about yourself”
·        We try to tell stories to each other at dinner table. But the other day, your story went on forever. I tried to cut you off and started saying something of my own, when you said, “mama, look at my mouth. I’m still talking”
·        You’re always saying, “Hey! I have an idea...” followed by the cutest ideas you have.

I love you Ansh. Thank you, a million times, for picking me to be your mama! Life just wouldn’t be as bright if it weren’t for you.
Now let’s celebrate!!!!!!!

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