Letter to my daughter on her 3rd birthday!

 

My darling daughter! 

‘DAUGHTER’.. oh goodness! How sweet that word tastes on my lips! It has been 3 years since the story of you was gifted to this world. When you took your first breath, the world changed for the better.

Last 3 years have passed so quickly, in a series of blinks & blessings. 

At some point this year you left toddler-hood behind, and started telling jokes, singing, dancing, and twirling through the world. You say, “Look at me guys” so often, and with the intention of making others laugh. It cracks everyone up in the room immediately. I never want you to lose that Dia. It’s a very rare skill to make people laugh and be able to laugh at yourself. I am proud of you. 

Pro Tip: A joke is funny once or maybe twice. When you keep repeating it, it’s essence wears off ;)

Your energy is so infectious. You laugh SO. BIG. In a deep old man voice sometimes. It’s hilarious. I try to get all of it on video. You will thank me later for all these million videos of you :) 

You smile with a twinkle in your eye. 

You jump with both feet. You want to try anything and everything, and you want to do it on your own.

You follow Ansh everywhere and want to be just like him. Sometimes you forget that you’re only half his size ;) 

Your favorite toys are whatever Ansh is playing with at that moment. You take it away from him, and then claim it to be yours. It’s hilarious because now Ansh has started tricking you into believing what your favorite toys are. ;)

Like, the other day, he wanted to play with his Bakugans, but he knew you’re going to take it from him. So, he started playing with his dinosaurs instead, and when you took those away from him, he took out his Bakugans like a thug. That moment was so precious to watch. Lol :)

We also trick you into eating medicine by feeding it to Ansh first, so you’ll try it too. Lol… I know, not the best parenting, but you want to do everything that your big brother does. 

Your fashion sense is epic. You choose your own shirts and pants. Most of them are either Dinosaurs or dinosaurs. You won’t wear anything other than that. For this birthday, I got you 4 dino shirts. 

You look just like your Nani. Even with a bald head (yes! We shaved your head this year. But you will thank us later for your amazing hair :)) 

You’re magic. Pure magic. Embrace it. 

You have a joy that other people feel. You don’t owe it to anyone, but know that when you share it, it truly is a gift. 

You are loving. When you wrap those sweet chunky arms around someone, the arms that haven’t quite stretched out and lost their baby rolls, it’s a balm for the soul. 

You’re absolutely fearless when it comes to heights and flips and turns. You’ve fallen down the stairs and heights so many times, yet it doesn’t scare you and you’ll try it all over again. 

You have achieved so much in the last 3 years. Laying down some highlights from last year: 

1. You started speech therapy this year. Mama and Dada were a little concerned that you weren’t speaking. You’d use sign language a lot, and get your way through communicating everything you needed, but you won’t say words. Your teachers say that you’re the most expressive kid in class because you communicate through expressions. However, mama got a little worried (read: panicked and anxious), and started therapy. And since your speech therapy started, you haven’t stopped. It’s the most fun to watch you use words, make sentences, and communicate. My favorite one so far has been, “I Love you, mama”, “Where is baby Arth?”, “Follow me mama”, “Look at me guys”, and “Not Stegosaurus. Not Brachiosaurus. I want a REAL dinosaur” 

2. When you say, “I want cup cake”, it primarily means that you want the frosting ;) You’re a sweet tooth, just like mama. You eat cake batter more than the cake. You lick condensed milk more than desserts, and you want to share all of mama’s chocolates. 

3. You transitioned from a crib to bunk bed this year. Suddenly you found this freedom at nighttime, and it’s a pain to put you to bed now. We hear laughter and giggles from your room, much after we’ve put you to bed. You love jumping on your bed, throwing things room one bed to another, and just climbing up. You’re not much of a sleeper. 

4. When we call you “Baby”, your immediate response back is, “No Baby. Dia” 

5. You love singing Happy Birthday. But when others sing it, you cover your ears and shout “TOO LOUD”. Funny part is, you’re being the loudest then ;) 

6. The most exciting of all, Arth has now moved to Seattle to be closer to you. You both have a love-hate relationship. You’d find a toy, and both fight over it until someone gets hurt. Yell, howl, cry and physically fight. And then one minute later, you’ll share the same toy like the scarring episode, a minute ago, never happened. 

7. You also watch out for Arth (sometimes). Like when he goes to bed, you’d ask everyone to shush, coz “Baby Arth is sleeping guys” 

8. This year, you took a trip to India. You got to meet your Dadu, Pashi, Fufa, Vidyut Bhaiya for the first time. You truly kept everyone entertained throughout :) 

9. You also visited Nani ghar, and was pampered beyond limits by Nanu and Nani. As you should be. Lol :)

10. The best of all.. The first time to said “Abhishek”, we all got very excited and laughed. And you thought that “Abhishek” is a word that makes everyone laugh. And since then, no matter where we are or what we’re doing, you’d just say out loud “ABHISHEK”, and everyone would burst out laughing.

11. Also, in-case you didn't get it from the previous 2 letters, and maybe all the future ones to come.... you are your daddy's princess. If it was to him, he would cradle you and wrap you up in his arms forever. You own all of his heart and some more :)

You’re so so funny my baby 

As you move into this year, my hope is that you will just keeping being the wonderful, funny, strong willed, and beautiful you that you are. As long as you remember that Mama and Dada loves you the most, and Mama is the best ;) Don’t worry about the latter. I remind you of that every day. 

My love, more than anything in this world, I want you to stay true to yourself, and all will be well. Stay strong, let your voice be heard, be kind, hold your family close. Know that you will always be loved, no matter what. And no matter how old you are, you will always be my Baby Girl. 

I know the twos were supposed to be terrible, but while they definitely had their challenges, watching you grow has been incredible. Hearing you say “I love you too” for the first time and getting your sweet kisses on my cheek coupled with your aggressive happy hugs has made the twos less terrible and much more fun (despite the tantrums and sassy “nos”). While watching you grow older and more independent is bittersweet, I’m looking forward to what the threes bring. I love you more and more with every passing day my sweet little girl. Happy Birthday!

With all my heart,

Love,

Mama

Happy 7th my sweet sweet boy

 My Sweet sweet baby boy Ansh, 

Let me begin by saying that I love you so much that each year these letters get tougher and tougher to write as I get more and more emotional over you growing up! 

I know my job as your mom is to raise you up to be a man. You won’t stay my little boy forever. One day you will leave our house and marry and have a family of your own…. OMG! Okay, I wasn’t ready for that. 

I’m going to park that thought until we must cross that bridge. 

You’re my biggest blessing. Know that I will always be there for you (even if I get mad at you sometimes for taking 20 minutes to just put your shoes on ;)) 

Seven Years ago today, I saw your beautiful face for the very first time and I fell madly in love. 

My heart couldn’t contain all that love, and it started to flow through my eyes. I remember that moment so vividly when you made me mom. 

You were an 8.1 pounds, perfectly gorgeous baby with a head full of hair and an infectious smile. I can remember the hours that followed were filled with complete and total bliss. Your dad and nani were here to welcome you in person and everybody else on facetime fighting each other to see you. 

There was so much chaos as to who will hold you next and touch your sweet hands and feet. 

Our first night at the hospital, you laid next to me while I watched you sleep. 

I felt the rhythm of your breathing. I gazed at the precious swoop of your nose, the soft flutter of your eyelashes, the length of your fingers, the curves of your cheeks. I soaked in all the little details of you. I promise I won’t do that when you’re a teenager. 

You definitely get your good looks and that wit, and sarcastic humor from your dad, but your heart? Your heart and sensitivity come directly from me. Yup! I take full credit for that. I made you, so I take credit for you :)

I want you to know that your heart makes you special. It makes you unique, and stronger. You’ll never leave anyone behind. You’ll never forget an important day. You don’t flinch before sharing your toys with your lil sister and brother, even though you know you might never see it in one piece again. And I think, that is what makes you the best big brother ever. 

You’ll probably cry if you don’t make the team, if you don’t get into the college you want, when a girl breaks your heart and when you graduate from high school. But the good news is – I’ll be crying right along with you, so we’ll be there to lean on each other. 

You are smart. Wicked smart. Don’t ever forget that smart is cool. Sometimes you say things that blow my mind, and I’m left stumped. 

Like the other day, you were showing your science experiment to your dad, and your dad said, 

“Are you a doctor yet?” 

And you immediately responded saying, “I’m just a kid dad” 

If I had to give you a piece of advice, it’ll be “Smart is cool, but so is trying again”. 

Sometimes, you get disappointed when you don’t win, and you give up easily. My goal is to teach you how persistence and grit is crucial in life. Remember that success is a lousy teacher. Effort matters. 

You did well in first grade, Buddy, and I’m so very proud of you, but starting next year, homework is going to take longer than 10 minutes. Just a friendly warning from your loving Mommy ;) 

Your teacher this year brags and brags on you which fills my heart with pride. 

She said, in her own words, “If teachers were allowed to pick a favorite kid in class, Ansh would be mine. He is kind to his friends, listens to instructions patiently, and always helps his peers out. He has a big heart” 

You truly are a light to your peers. The best part about you is that you lead without being a “know it all” and you are a friend to everyone. 

 My favorite part of the day is when you come running of the bus to meet me and tell me all about how your day was. I love the excitement you have when you see me. I cherish that moment!!! 

Sometimes I worry for you because I fear you’re too fragile. Timid, sometimes nervous to stand up for yourself. I fear you might get bullied in school. I see a bit of myself in you, and so I have this urge to protect you all the time. 

Right now, at seven, you come to me with everything. You are completely transparent. If you get in trouble at school, if you make a bad decision, if you are mean to your sister, you confide in me. We have our own little secrets, and it’s so fun to keep them from dad sometimes ;) It’s like you and me against the world. 

I realize as you get older, turning to me may not always seems as easy, but know this, I will always be here for you, no matter what. I WANT you to come to me – with questions, with worries, with concerns. I am here to protect and guide you – forever. 

Did I mention I don’t want you to grow up? That I don’t want you to ever stop snuggling with me at night or early in the morning? I want to hold you tight forever. I’m sorry that I can’t make it for your bedtime every night but know that I miss you dearly when I’m not there. I don’t ever want you to stop saying, “I love you” in the middle of the day. I hope you won’t ever be embarrassed to run and jump in my arms in celebration after winning a game. 

Here are a few of my favorite moments from this year: 

1. 

Me: “Ansh, what theme do you want for your birthday this year?” 

Ansh, “Mom, how about you surprise me” 

2.

Ansh, “Mama I made a surprise for you for mother’s day” 

Me, “oh yeah? What is it?” 

Ansh, “I can’t tell you. It’s a surprise. I have to give it to you on Sunday. But I’ve been working very hard on it” 

(20 seconds later) Ansh, “Mama, can you promise me that whatever I’m about to tell you, you will forget till Sunday?” 

3.

When I came to your school for a demo, you introduced me as, “This is my mom. Her name is Deepali. And in Hindi, I call her “Ma”” 

4.

Me: “Ansh, you wanna go to Mexico next month. We can swim in the ocean there” 

Ansh: “Mom, I would rather just go to Nikita’s house” 😂🙄 

5.

Me, “Ansh, if you don’t clean up your toys in the next hour, I’m going to throw them all away” 

Ansh starts crying and goes to his room to clean up. 

Comes back 2 minutes later 

Ansh, “Mom, if you don’t help me clean up, I will go and live with Abhishek and Tanya” 

6.

You participated in your first ever dance showcase this year. It was such a proud moment for me to see you own the stage. A few of my favorite moments from the showcase:  

 - During tech rehearsal, you sat in between Jaspreet and Shibani in the audience and said, “Oh! What a wonderful moment. I’m sitting in between my best friends.” 

 - When Nolan came to see you after the performance, you said, “come let me show you backstage and introduce you to my friends”. 

Surprisingly, all of YOUR friends” were not your dance buddies, but all MY dance buddies ;) and then you said, “Yeah! Everyone here knows me pretty well” 

- The moment where you were supposed to be on the stage for next act, and no one could find you because you went to sit with Abhishek in the audience ;) 

- You found your newest best friend in Rucha. Throughout the showcase you were stuck to her like a limb. So much so, that when you went to India to visit your grandparents and they asked you if you want to stay back in India, you said, “I would love to, but I need to go back to Seattle because my best friend Rucha is there” 

Oh Ansh, you’re the happiest and kindest person I know. You have my heart. Happy 7th birthday, my sweet small dude…. I love you very, very much.

Love,

Mom

Working 3 full time jobs: Entrepreneur + Dance Instructor + Mom

Hola! 

This post is more of a ‘laundry list’ for me, than anything else. When anyone asks me, ‘what I do all day’, instead of narrating the entire list, I needed a post that I can just forward to them ;) 

People have a misconception that I dance all day. Lol. How I wish that was true! When I quit my corporate career for dance, I went from working 9am - 5pm to working 6am – midnight. And funnily enough, most days I don’t even get to dance. 

So, what DO I do all day?

Let’s list it down: 

1. Admin: 

A major part of my day goes into admin work - scheduling, registrations, website management, replying to hundreds of emails every day. If you see me on the phone while talking to you, I promise you I’m not checking the views on my insta reel. I’m replying to the non-stop inquiries I receive regarding classes, all day every day. 

I remember the time when I was on vacation and my phone didn’t get any reception for a day. It almost felt like a signal from the universe to take a break, which I did. And the moment I got my reception back, there were some ‘not so happy’ messages in my inbox due to my ‘unresponsiveness’. I can’t afford to not respond to all the messages I receive. 

Though, one could argue that, at this moment, I have 284 unread WhatsApp messages ;) Yes! Yes! I will get back to you shortly. 

I usually return calls back, when I'm driving. That's the only time I get to talk on phone. 

2. Social media management: 

My alarm is set for 6am. That gives me an hour to promote classes for that evening before I must wake up Ansh for school. 

If you manage social media, you know that it’s a full-time job in itself. After dropping Ansh to school, I sit in a coffee shop to work, till it's time to pick him up from school again. Throughout the day, in various spurts, I spend time on emails, marketing, writing content, posting stories, promoting classes, and engaging with my community in whatever capacity possible. 

3. Accounting:

The most tedious, boring and monotonous part of my day is spent on accounting. I’m bored even while writing this ;) If you know me, you’ll know I’m very bad with handling money, ergo I need to keep a regimental stance with my bookkeeping. 

That includes tracking and recording expenses, revenue, refunds, tracking and most often following up on payments, making payments, filing quarterly taxes, renewing licenses. Uff! I can't tell you how many times I have paid penalty for filing late taxes. But in my defense, filing taxes quarterly is too much to ask for ;)

I’ve also been playing the role of a debt collector recently. At this point, I’d like to remind you: I’m only ONE person. 

4. Studio Operations: 

Before you tell me that my signage is still not up, or a bookshelf would look good at the entrance,  remember that I was probably up late last night trying to find a locksmith to break open the lock of a door that Ansh accidentally closed shut in the studio. Or I was filing a police complaint against a graffiti artist who has been tagging my wall every other day. Or figuring out how I am going to pay for that additional expense of fixing heating in my studio. 

From making sure the studio is functional, that there’s drinking water, air conditioning is working, toilet rolls, handwash available in the studio, cleaning supplies topped up, first aid box is stocked, to coming in early to clean up the studio before every class. I am usually always running like a bunny all day. 

Reminder to self: bring batteries for the wall clock at reception ;) 

5. Business Growth opportunities: 

At this point, if I get any time to breathe during the day, I spend it on exploring opportunities to grow the business. Networking, studio rentals, merchandise, corporate classes, collaborating with other businesses, bringing guest instructors, private workshops, etc. I have to admit, I don’t get nearly enough time to spend on this as I would like to. 

Hence, you haven’t seen any new merch yet ;) 

6. Content Creation: 

Amidst everything, maintaining social media presence for a small dance business like mine, means creating regular content. That is almost an essential. And when I say, ‘create content’, it means choreograph, practice a million times, coordinate with the group and videographer, arrange for costumes, and shoot. And additionally, arrange for a baby sitter to watch kids because God knows, shooting a video with kids around... well, that would need a whole another blog post. 

Shooting a video could take anywhere between 20 minutes to 4 hours. Taking that kind of time out from my schedule is a nightmare. So what options am I left with? 

Shoot videos early morning over the weekend, or late nights after putting kids to bed (also depends on the availability of our baby sitter). This cuts down on my ‘already short’ sleep cycle. Ergo, I always come with coffee ;) 

7. Community Building: 

As most of you know, Live2Dance is not just a dance school. It’s my family. It’s a community of the most amazing humans. And God knows, how much effort goes into building a community. 

From coffee dates to conflict resolutions, most of my early evenings are reserved for people of my community. I need to ensure that everyone feels welcomed, safe and loved in this community, and this is one of my fav parts of the day. 

About 1-2 hours a day is reserved for catching up with my dance family. I usually schedule this before evening classes, so after catch-up, I can hop into class directly. 

 8. Dance: 

I teach anywhere between 2 - 5 classes a week. Though, in 2020, that number was 2-4 classes a day. And most often than not, each class is a new choreography. I have a set of the most amazing and talented instructors. However, all of them work full-time and can only afford to take few classes per week/month. 

Being a business owner and seeing the kind of expenses I pay towards this business; I can’t afford to not have a class every day. Ergo, I end up taking more than I can chew, in desperation of generating revenue. So, when do I get the time to choreograph? Don’t ask. Sometimes I'm choreographing while driving to the class ;) 

But this is the only time I get to dance, and I cherish it with all my heart. Teaching is my passion, and it’s my happy place. No matter how busy or stressed my day has been, dancing makes it all better. I wouldn’t trade a thing for this. 

9. Being a mom: 

According to research, being a mom is the equivalent of working 2.5 full-time jobs. On an average, moms spend 98 hours per week doing mom duties. Raising healthy, and happy kids involves being their chauffeur, meal planner, life coach, professional hugger, teacher, friend, chef, housekeeper, event planner, manager, activities director and so much more. 

As I write this, I am sitting outside Ansh’s gymnastics class, waiting for him to be done and then headed to pick up Dia from daycare. From there, we have a birthday party to attend, and somewhere in between getting them dressed to driving them, I gotta pick up a birthday present. Need I say more? 

Ansh has after school classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, Gymnastics on Fridays and Snowboarding/ Soccer on Saturdays. Dia has swimming on Thursdays. Sundays are gone in Hindi school. Ashish and I split responsibilities here and drive kids to their activities. We do forget/ skip voluntarily sometimes. We slack on giving them the most nutritious food everyday. We forget about PTA meetings sometimes. When Ansh comes back home and reminds us that we forgot to complete his assignment, it breaks my heart. My house is a constant mess. And I'm forever in survival mode. 

I don't always get to read books to my kids, or play with them during bath time. By the time I get back home from classes, Ashish has already given them a bath and fed them. But I do try to make it before their bed time, to play with them right before we kiss them goodnight! 

10. Misc: 

I’m also my music editor, video editor, party planner, and community builder. I love to blog, take as many classes with other instructors to continue learning, and so on. 

So, amidst all this, when do I get “me time”? I don’t. But to be honest with you, I wouldn’t trade a thing. I love what I’m building. The satisfaction, the growth, the passion, the dreams that I get to witness every day is worth all the hustles. I fail often as a mom! But I’m sure my kids won’t hold it against me and will be inspired to chase their dreams instead.

My tricks to getting everything done in my day:

1. Make a list and start attacking it one by one. The first thing I do when I sit down to work, I take out my list and prioritize. One thing at a time. One step at a time. 

2. Plan, Plan and plan. I am very organized and plan my days to the second. Often, much in advance. Of course, being an Army kid has helped me a lot with time management. My biggest pet peeve: when people are late. The only way I can get everything in my day done, is by optimizing every minute of my day. 

3. Delegate: We knew we needed help. But we also knew that help would come at a cost. However, we were burning ourselves out, and realized that we can't continue operating like this. Ergo, we decided to outsource as much work as we could. 

Food: We don't cook often. We found a lady who delivers home cooked meals to our doorstep every couple days, and that's been our savior. 

Housekeeping: No matter what we did, our house was always a constant mess. So we found help who comes and cleans our house once a week. Of course, we clean dishes and sweep the floor everyday. Won't let that pile up for a week ;) But, we do let our laundry pile up and let him take care of it. 

Nanny: This was a big debate in our house. We avoided getting an evening nanny for the longest time, especially considering the expense. However, we both caved and got help. Guess what, it's a big blessing. Now, I can go for my classes, and Ashish can go biking in the evenings, guilt free. She helps with feeding and bathing kids, helps with Ansh's homework, and also keeps them engaged in activities. So, by the time we come home, kids are ready for hugs, kisses and to be tucked in bed :) 

Conclusion: Woah! I really got carried away with this post. Summing it up here before hitting the bed: My day begins and ends with a hustle, I don't get any "me time", and I rarely get a chance to sit and eat a meal. But I wouldn't change a thing. The hustle is real, but so is the satisfaction I go to sleep at night with. 

On that note, Goodnight people :) 

India Vs America. My subjective opinion

Okie, I’m back, with another interesting topic. 

After my last post that briefly touched upon the challenges that we as first-generation immigrants deal with every day, I was posed with another question: ‘Then why do so many of us still choose to call US home?’ 

Ain’t that an interesting question? I know why I am here (Husband moved here for career opportunities, and I ended up creating a world of my own here. And now, I’m stuck. I have Live2Dance 🥰).

But I wanted to know what is it about living in the US that attracts so many of us to move here despite the million immigration challenges that we are dispensed with every day. So, I started asking around (Instagram/ Facebook/ text messages/ in-person). And here you thought that I was just making small talks ;) 

I suspected that the usual responses that I’d get, would be: Career opportunities, better living conditions, to be with a loved one, or simply because they are seeking to live out the ‘American Dream’. But, to my surprise, and a very pleasant one, I got some unique and interesting responses. 

First of all, a big thanks to all those who said their reason to stay back in the US (specifically Seattle) was Live2Dance. I’m there with you 100%. What else would you want, right? But just to humor those 10% people who had their “own reasons”, let’s dive into that as well ;) 

However, before I list down the answers I got, let me be crystal-clear in establishing the fact that no country is perfect. Every country has its own challenges, but it’s our own personal experiences, priorities, circumstances, and preferences that drive our choices. There’s no absolute right or wrong. Just our subjective opinion.

Top few reasons: 

1. Safety

• “I can travel by public transport at ungodly hours without the fear of being assaulted or molested. Yes, there are pockets of ‘crime areas’ but I know I can easily avoid those areas.” 

• “Less people stare when I walk outside wearing a dress.” 

• “I’ve been here for 6 years, and not once has someone tried to grope me in public.” 

My view: 

As someone who grew up in the Army cantonment throughout my life, I’ve lived a very protected life and I was in was never exposed to public transport or ‘civil life’ until college. And when I was, I am afraid to confess that I was scarred for the longest time. I have been groped, touched inappropriately, teased, made wrongful gestures at, been stopped in the middle of the road by much older men, and even been tried to be pulled into a dark/ empty street (This instance still sends shivers down my spine when I think of it. And I think this is the first time I am saying it out loud). 

This was my ordeal every single day until I refused to take public transport and asked my friends to accompany me for my classes. Eventually, I realized that the only way I can survive, is by being strong and fighting these molesters myself. I survived, but every day was a battle. 

Unfortunately, this is the sad truth of every girl in India. Some will tell you and some may not, but everyone has gone through this (still goes through) in their lives, irrespective of their age. 

The even unfortunate part is that only when I moved out of India, I realized that it was not “normal”. That I didn’t need to have my guards on and ready to attack at all the times. 

These experiences, consciously or sub-consciously, leave deep impacts on your growth. They are traumatic and painful, and I would never want my daughter, or any other girl to ever go through them. 

2. Quality of work: 

• “As someone who has seen both sides of offshore vs onshore, we know what trash work gets sent to offshore teams. Here we get to work on stuff that creates impact in real-time and that translates into job satisfaction over time.” 

• “The respect that I get for my profession here is unmatched.” 

• “My career trajectory has flourished here.” 

•  "Politics and gender discrimination was more apparent and direct in my previous experience as compared to here. But then again that can be a factor of just the people that you are surrounded by which can be good or bad in either place."

My view: 

Personally, I loved the work I was exposed to in India, Canada and US. I’ve worked on some very impactful projects in all 3 countries and have never faced any discrimination. But again, I hear that it varies from field to field and company to company. Before I started my dance studio, I was in the commercial real estate/ infrastructure field with my most favorite work experience having been in Canada. 

3. More $$$: 

• “The joy of being able to do so much for our families and personally for me, also for the charities that I support in India, it’s only been possible because of the power of the dollar. And that’s the security that every human desires.”

My View

Until today, I hadn't put much thought into it. But now, when I consciously think about it, financial security and independence has a big impact on our decision. 

 4. To escape the society:

• “To escape my nosy relatives whose only purpose in life is to see me married. Doesn’t matter how well I do in my career.” 

• “I want to be away from the interference of my relatives. I want to be able to step outside in a sweatshirt and pants, without being judged for not wearing sindoor.” 

5. To escape judgement. 

This person, replied to my story, and in one statement summed up everything with a thud. 

Before I pen down the powerful statement this person made, I’d like to give you my view on the judgement I have been subjected to. 

I’ve been judged as a kid, as a teen, as an adult, as a mother… heck, my 4-month-old kid was subjected to “he’s so dark. Massage him with ghee to clear out his complexion”. 

I have been judged for dancing (and this was not even during my pregnancies ;)), for being dark, for hanging out with boys, for not being “conventional”, and what not. 

And this is all when I kinda fit in the mold of Indian society. I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of judgement you’d be subjected to if you were slightly different and didn’t fit in that mold. 

And it is this breaking of the mold of societal judgement that the statement that I received addresses: “I am respected for who I am, irrespective of my sexual orientation”. 

Woah! ‘nuf said!  

 

Surviving or Thriving? from the lens of first generation immigrant

Today, I just wanted to pen down my feelings on a topic that’s not very pleasant, often stressful/ painful, yet it’s the story of nearly every immigrant’s life. 

Every party, every coffee date, every conversation between two immigrants usually ends with, “My visa is up for renewal next year", "Not sure if I’m gonna stay here much longer”, or “I’m not sure if I wanna buy a house here, considering my visa didn’t get picked in the lottery last two times, and I am only left with 1 more try”, or “Sorry, I can’t be a part of this travel plan. I am not allowed to leave the country right now”.

 

I’ve had people come up to me in class informing me that they will not be able to continue their session anymore because their visa didn’t get renewed and are now required to leave the country. 

Can you imagine the stress that all of us first generation immigrants must live with every day? 

All that planning that goes into visiting your family in India. It needs to be timed with visa appointments, the stress of not knowing if you’ll be allowed back in the country, the bag full of documents you need to carry with you, the 2 minutes of palpitations when you see the immigration officer every time you enter US. During your interview, make sure you’re smiling and pleasant, but not too much to push him into asking more questions or raising any suspicion. Can you imagine the unbearable pain of not being able to see your loved ones for two years due to the travel ban during pandemic? This is just the tip of the iceberg. 

I am not here to talk about the challenges that we face everyday (coz that would need an entire page on the web), but to talk about how despite facing the challenges, we are still thriving! 

We are faced with the same challenges that everybody else is – life, family, job, school, kids, friends, pandemic…. And to top it, we are constantly dealing with the stress of immigration. Yet, we have managed to build a life for ourselves by ourselves. With no help from anyone, we are thriving in every field. We didn’t grow up here, so we don’t have any referrals/ connections. We might still be learning/ adapting to the culture or google every time a reference is made which we don’t understand. But we are still succeeding! Language barrier, cultural barrier, raising children in both cultures, prejudices… we’re learning and crushing each challenge like a champ! 

For me, personally, once I decided to quit my corporate career and dance full-time, setting up a dance studio came much later. It was the initial battle of immigration that took nearly 2 years before I could even begin to start my business. This battle never ends. We just learn to live with it.

I guess, my point with this post was just to give a huge shout out to all my immigrant friends in US who are roaring with success in every field despite the challenges they are faced with all day everyday. I don’t think they give themselves enough credit or even understand entirely what they’re doing. They are so brave to be living with this constant fear and stress, yet building a life for themselves. It’s okay if you hit a bump every now and then, just know that you’re doing an amazing job, and that you are courageous! You are so hardworking and never give up. You aren’t just surviving, but you are thriving!