Okie, I’m back, with another interesting topic.
After my last post that briefly touched upon the challenges that we as first-generation immigrants deal with every day, I was posed with another question: ‘Then why do so many of us still choose to call US home?’
Ain’t that an interesting question? I know why I am here (Husband moved here for career opportunities, and I ended up creating a world of my own here. And now, I’m stuck. I have Live2Dance 🥰).
But I wanted to know what is it about living in the US that attracts so many of us to move here despite the million immigration challenges that we are dispensed with every day. So, I started asking around (Instagram/ Facebook/ text messages/ in-person). And here you thought that I was just making small talks ;)
I suspected that the usual responses that I’d get, would be: Career opportunities, better living conditions, to be with a loved one, or simply because they are seeking to live out the ‘American Dream’. But, to my surprise, and a very pleasant one, I got some unique and interesting responses.
First of all, a big thanks to all those who said their reason to stay back in the US (specifically Seattle) was Live2Dance. I’m there with you 100%. What else would you want, right? But just to humor those 10% people who had their “own reasons”, let’s dive into that as well ;)
However, before I list down the answers I got, let me be crystal-clear in establishing the fact that no country is perfect. Every country has its own challenges, but it’s our own personal experiences, priorities, circumstances, and preferences that drive our choices. There’s no absolute right or wrong. Just our subjective opinion.
Top few reasons:
1. Safety
• “I can travel by public transport at ungodly hours without the fear of being assaulted or molested. Yes, there are pockets of ‘crime areas’ but I know I can easily avoid those areas.”
• “Less people stare when I walk outside wearing a dress.”
• “I’ve been here for 6 years, and not once has someone tried to grope me in public.”
My view:
As someone who grew up in the Army cantonment throughout my life, I’ve lived a very protected life and I was in was never exposed to public transport or ‘civil life’ until college. And when I was, I am afraid to confess that I was scarred for the longest time. I have been groped, touched inappropriately, teased, made wrongful gestures at, been stopped in the middle of the road by much older men, and even been tried to be pulled into a dark/ empty street (This instance still sends shivers down my spine when I think of it. And I think this is the first time I am saying it out loud).
This was my ordeal every single day until I refused to take public transport and asked my friends to accompany me for my classes. Eventually, I realized that the only way I can survive, is by being strong and fighting these molesters myself. I survived, but every day was a battle.
Unfortunately, this is the sad truth of every girl in India. Some will tell you and some may not, but everyone has gone through this (still goes through) in their lives, irrespective of their age.
The even unfortunate part is that only when I moved out of India, I realized that it was not “normal”. That I didn’t need to have my guards on and ready to attack at all the times.
These experiences, consciously or sub-consciously, leave deep impacts on your growth. They are traumatic and painful, and I would never want my daughter, or any other girl to ever go through them.
2. Quality of work:
• “As someone who has seen both sides of offshore vs onshore, we know what trash work gets sent to offshore teams. Here we get to work on stuff that creates impact in real-time and that translates into job satisfaction over time.”
• “The respect that I get for my profession here is unmatched.”
• “My career trajectory has flourished here.”
• "Politics and gender discrimination was more apparent and direct in my previous experience as compared to here. But then again that can be a factor of just the people that you are surrounded by which can be good or bad in either place."
My view:
Personally, I loved the work I was exposed to in India, Canada and US. I’ve worked on some very impactful projects in all 3 countries and have never faced any discrimination. But again, I hear that it varies from field to field and company to company. Before I started my dance studio, I was in the commercial real estate/ infrastructure field with my most favorite work experience having been in Canada.
3. More $$$:
• “The joy of being able to do so much for our families and personally for me, also for the charities that I support in India, it’s only been possible because of the power of the dollar. And that’s the security that every human desires.”
My View
Until today, I hadn't put much thought into it. But now, when I consciously think about it, financial security and independence has a big impact on our decision.
4. To escape the society:
• “To escape my nosy relatives whose only purpose in life is to see me married. Doesn’t matter how well I do in my career.”
• “I want to be away from the interference of my relatives. I want to be able to step outside in a sweatshirt and pants, without being judged for not wearing sindoor.”
5. To escape judgement.
This person, replied to my story, and in one statement summed up everything with a thud.
Before I pen down the powerful statement this person made, I’d like to give you my view on the judgement I have been subjected to.
I’ve been judged as a kid, as a teen, as an adult, as a mother… heck, my 4-month-old kid was subjected to “he’s so dark. Massage him with ghee to clear out his complexion”.
I have been judged for dancing (and this was not even during my pregnancies ;)), for being dark, for hanging out with boys, for not being “conventional”, and what not.
And this is all when I kinda fit in the mold of Indian society. I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of judgement you’d be subjected to if you were slightly different and didn’t fit in that mold.
And it is this breaking of the mold of societal judgement that the statement that I received addresses: “I am respected for who I am, irrespective of my sexual orientation”.
Woah! ‘nuf said!
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