Letter to my daughter on her first birthday - It's been one heck of a year!

I can’t believe it’s been a year already. I mean, we just brought her home, like so little ago! Now she is one. ONE you guys!!! How could one feel so huge?

I remember the moments leading up to her birth so clearly, like it was yesterday. My water broke at 4 am on June 19th. I would have instantly woken up Ashish and my parents to share my excitement with them, but the cleanliness freak in me nagged me to clean the mess I had made before waking up anyone. Yup! I was mopping my bathroom floor while I was in labor. 

And today, here I am, mustering up all my strength, and wiping my tears to write her first birthday blog. Ugh! Parenting is a torture. What kind of sickness is this motherhood love? It’s the kind of love that burns up from my chest until it catches in my throat.

Anyways, so here I go

My precious little darling Dia,

I don’t know in what state the world will be when you read this; I can only hope it’s better than how we experienced it when you celebrated your first birthday. You won’t remember but we were in the house a lot. All the time. That was unusual for us.

Your entire first year has been very unusual for us. 

·      You made your first international trip at 6 weeks to Toronto and brought some major luck to you mama. 

·      Throughout your first 4 months, your dad and I were working on a production, and didn’t get much time to spend with you. You were at home a lot with nani.

·      I had an accident when you were only 4 months old and I had to discontinue breastfeeding because holding you was excruciatingly painful. I took this one the hardest because I was robbed the pleasure of holding you. 

·      As things got a little better, and I was gaining enough strength to hold you again, I had to undergo a surgery, and that meant I just had to hold off cuddling you for a little longer. Thankfully your nani was here throughout, giving you enough cuddles for both of us. 

·      And then came the most unusual event. A pandemic hit us. A PANDEMIC. And we’ve been quarantined since then. 

Phew! That was one heck of a year! 

The good thing is, we have been in lockdown for 3 months now, and have made up for all the time we spent apart. It’s been a delight being stuck at home with you. 

You, my love, are something special. So, so very special. And not special like you have to be because you’re my daughter, but because there’s something so unique and magical about you. You have the ability to lighten up every room and you make every situation brighter. You are quite possibly the “angel baby” that every parent dream of, but not just because you’re easy, but because you’re wonderful to be around. 

This pandemic has been rough on you, and you’ve forgotten what people (beyond the 4 of us) look like, so now you get anxious when you see another human being. But I’m sure once we are out of this pandemic, you will get back to your usual -happiest-baby-on-this-planet self. 

There is no question that your favorite person in the world is your big brother.  You LOVE your bhaiya. All day long you follow him around and try to play with him. Nothing fascinates you more than watching him play silly and laugh uncontrollably. You both play so well together and have an incredible bond. He drags you with your feet all across the corridor and you giggle throughout. He even rolls you on the floor with his head pretending like you are some soccer ball, and you give the best laughs. He is crazy about you. 

My birdie, I want you to know that you I am not perfect (hard to imagine, I’m sure) but I’m trying to be the best mom I can be. I can only hope as we walk through life, that you will see my imperfections loudly enough to not make the same mistakes in your own upcoming years, but equally, I hope you see how hard I’m trying. I’ve never worked so hard at anything in my life. I want to teach you to stand on your own two feet and make decisions for yourself. I want you to feel supported while being independent. Be a leader and follow your heart. Always, ask questions. Explore. And always remember to laugh along the way. Your dad, bhaiya and I, along with your grandparents, uncles, aunts, and well-wishers are here rooting for you. 

I want to protect you with all my existence. Pain and owies. Cold and illness. Bullies. Social media. Heartbreak. School. Chubbiness and mean kids. Even though my love wants to put you in a bubble, I won’t. I promise. You might get mad at me, but we can take it. We’re stuck together, remember?

Dia, I want you to know how loved you are. Your dad and I love you to the moon and back, around the world and back, with every inch of our heart. 

Ugh! There’s that damn love bound up in my throat again.

As you can probably tell, forty weeks inside my belly wasn’t enough time to prepare my heart for the magnitude of “motherly love”. I’m convinced that’s why moms cry so much. Because we have so much love in us, it can’t possibly fit all inside our bodies, so we overflow. That’s what tears are, joy exploding out of our eyes like liquid confetti.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: I am so grateful that you chose me to be your mom.

Happy birthday my love,

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PS: CALL YOUR MOM EVERYDAY