40 weeks and still pregnant

In the last few days I have been talking to myself more and more. I’ve had the restraint to keep the conversations within my head, but sometimes I chatter out loud. In those cases I like to pretend I’m talking to my baby, but I’m really talking to my uterus. “Get out! Get out! Get out!” is usually what I’m found yelling.

I wake up everyday, take a shower, make my hair, put on a nice dress (which is basically one of the two dresses that fit me now), eat my breakfast and then wait… wait to get into labour.

Just when you thought that the last leg of pregnancy would be the easiest, here’s what I think – IT’S NOT. The discomforts of late pregnancy are easy to Google: painful pelvis, squished bladder, swollen ankles, weight unevenly distributed in a girth that makes scratching an itch at ankle level a feat of flexibility. I sometimes wonder, can pregnancy last forever?

I’m writing this post with a perspective of a woman who’s now 40 weeks pregnant, and who was hoping to have her baby at 36^th week. In the last 4 weeks, I went through the 5 stages of emotions: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

Denial: It all started with shock. “I can’t believe I haven’t had this baby yet. I predicted I would be having him early- yesterday to be specific- but that did not happen. How is it possible that I’m still pregnant? I thought my belly dropped, but maybe it didn’t? Maybe I’m not as pregnant as I thought I was”.

Anger: “I am angry that I’m so immobile now. I’m angry that I need help to tie my shoe laces. I’m angry that my baby is not yet ready to join the world. I am ready for him. Why is he not?”

Bargaining: “Please God, Please. I’ll try everything – walking, castor oil, pineapple, squatting. Please let today be the day….”

Depression: “What’s the point of getting out of bed? I wanna lie on the couch all day. I anyways hate it when passersbys sympathise with me.”

Acceptance: “The baby will arrive when he is ready. That could be today (hopefully), or maybe not. I have accepted that he has a mind of his own. As long as he doesn’t come on his dads’ birthday (which is so close to his due date), I don’t care when he arrives.”

In the meanwhile, I want to make a list of things that people around overdue pregnant women should not say. Now, if you are reading this and you have said any of the following things to me, DO NOT feel bad. I forgive you. I still love you loads J I just blame my crankiness on hormones, blood pressure, or the lack of sleep.

But in all seriousness, it’s really okay. This is meant in good fun. But I’m also 100% serious and if you say any of the following to me, I will find you and sit on you.

So here it is:

“Baby will come when baby is ready.” Really? I had no idea.

“Well, you know due dates are really quite arbitrary, right?” Yep, doesn’t make the fact that I’m “past” it any easier.

“Have you tried walking, eating spicy food, eating pineapple, yoga, sitting on an exercise ball, castor oil, jumping jacks?” Yes, trust me. I have tried ALL of the things. Name it. I’ve tried it. And then some.

“Wow, you’ve probably got a HUGE baby in there!” Are you saying I’m fat? Are you calling my kid fat? Either way, this one is a lose / lose for you.

“Oh, you just look so uncomfortable.” Thank you, Captain Obvious.

“You haven’t had the baby yet??!” Clearly I’m standing here still pregnant. So, nope!

“When’s that baby coming?” Good question.

“Why haven’t you had the baby yet?” Good question. Because it hasn’t decided to be born yet.

“Well, do you know when the baby is coming?” No, unfortunately I don’t. You see, I was given this “arbitrary” date that the baby was supposed to come by, but it hasn’t come yet. So, nope.

“You know, most women who are this late end up just having to be induced.” Fantastic. How encouraging.

Now remember, this is all in good fun. No offense. But seriously, stop saying these things to me ;)

Meanwhile, I decide to have some fun!!!