flabbergasted, speechless and shocked

We called him “The Jalebi boy”, for he reminded us of the guy from Dhara- Jalebi ad. His smile was to die for. His eyes dripped naughtiness. He would leave no opportunity to play a prank and yet he managed to reserve a place in people’s heart instantly. Even though he was hardly 6 years younger to me, I made it a point to find him in recess (in school) and made sure he called me “Bua” (Aunt) and bowed down to me, in front of his friends, else I would complain to his folks. Yes, I’ve always been a bully.

Years later, we met at my wedding. He had grown into this handsome 19 year old with the same naughty look and a killer smile. Full of life and energy. We met nearly after 6 years, but he still remembered to bow down and call me “Bua” (with a blush this time). He was everything for his grandparents. His grandparents could never stop talking about how lucky they have been to have such a loving and caring boy as their grandson. His dad had high hopes from him. He was a genius too. He was a feather in our family’s hat. Even though he was loved by everybody, he was the closest to his sister.

He lived his life to the fullest. That smile never left his face. While he was preparing to enter the armed forces and serve our country, he also knew how to live in the moment.

Two days back he uploaded a few pics from his recent trip to Hyderabad on facebook. He seemed to be having a gala time with our cousins. Partying till late night, enjoying the streets in an auto rickshaw, posing for the camera, modeling his new pair of glasses, and what not. And today, he’s gone. A person who existed till a day before, who was laughing and enjoying till yesterday, is no more today. He’s gone, leaving his family to grieve forever.

When he left the house with his friend for a drive, his family wouldn’t have realized that they were seeing him alive for the last time. Well, not really. His father did get to see him alive breathing his last breath. He got their just in time to see him close his small eyes forever. He departed his soul in his father’s arms. Imagine a father’s plight, who dreamt his son to be a successful Air Force officer, who nourished his son to being a wonderful human being, who always held his hand through thick and thin so he could be their supporting pillar when they need it the most, seeing his son covered in his own blood.

After screaming under my pillow, howling and weeping in my room for days, sleepless nights, I can’t help but wonder what his last thoughts were. I wonder if he was scared. I wonder if he wanted to see his family for the last time. I wonder if he was relieved to see his father. I wonder if that smile on his face was still there. Guess I would never know. But one thing I can be sure of, that Inder Jamwal (IJ), will always be missed.

It's been 3 days now, but I still feel he would reply to my messages on facebook. I still feel I would wake up tomorrow to realize that this is just a very scary dream. I still feel everybody is mistaken and this is not true.
Inder, please come back :(