Our Seating Arrangement has changed

I am no behavioral psychologist, so please take whatever I say in this post with a pinch of salt. You will be happy to know that what I am going to tell you always happen around a dining table in a restaurant – so salt will be at arm’s length.
Yes, seating arrangement in relationships change with time. My research in this area is spread over at least ten years (acknowledgments: close friends/ relatives, movies, books, World Wide Web and personal experience)
During this research, I am not taking into account the behavior of my mom and dad because back then eating in restaurants was a sin. Don`t believe me? Try ordering food from outside when your mother is visiting you. When I did, she asked me: “Why, the stove isn’t working?” The first time ever my dad took us all out for dinner was 18 years after I was born. And he is so proud of this fact that he announces it to the world ;)
Anyway, the conclusion of my research is as follows:
There are 5 different positions that a couple goes through in their life time (until they are blessed with kids and their lifetime comes to a halt). They are as follows:














This is the initial stage when the couple is just getting to know each other. During this time, they both are at their best behavior. They have thoroughly read books on table etiquettes, have notes prepared on topics to talk about, and are now all prepared to impress each other. At this phase, the gentleman takes charge, right from spotting the waiter to paying the bill (but an exception is considered when the gentleman is visiting India and does not have Indian currency in his pocket ;) The lady sits directly opposite to him. That way, a sneak peek into your “impromptu discussion topics” isn’t risky. At this stage, everything looks rosy. Everything he says somehow cracks you up. In fact this one time, I laugh so hard, that I almost pissed in my pants, but instead of being embarrassed, I kept on laughing. At this stage, you are thinking, “This guy is so funny. If I marry him, I’ll end up laughing all the time”. You don’t want the date to come to an end, and you stretch it out to the maximum. It usually ends with the guy saying, “Maybe, next time we should go to a better place” (Girls, be warned… the man is pitching for the next outing already)














By the time a couple reaches this stage, both have sworn loyalty to each other till death does them apart. Notice that the man still prefers to call the waiter and is willing to foot the bill (whether or not he has the currency ;). In this stage, the couple prefers to sit next to each other. The occasional brush of the legs and arms are cherished, and spoken about during late night phone calls in references like: “Remember that time when your shoe brushed against my shoe…that was heavenly.” This position also helps the couple get the same view, and thus help them make fun of other customers and have a hearty laugh. And when he says, “You look amazing, have you lost weight”, it’s a motivator at another level. At this time, the girl is thinking, “what could I have possibly done, to deserve a guy like him?”
















By the time the couple reaches this stage, they know each other well but are still craving for more. Notice that the man still sits closer to the approaching waiter and thus is in command – he orders and he pays (again, considering the exception). In this stage, the chairs are pulled closer and the shoulders are almost touching. Since, in this stage the touching of shoulders is enough to send across an electric current… every trip to a restaurant is a shocking experience. By this time, you can’t wait to get married. Every couple at this stage is discussing their wedding plans and fantasizing about their future. Though in our case, we didn’t have to put in much effort into that, I had it all planned ever since I was 6, and I had my babies names picked out when I was 10.













Every restaurant seems great in this stage. The ambiance doesn`t matter…the food doesn`t matter. The couple believes that if they are together, they don`t need anything else. Notice the strange seating arrangement in this stage – which allows them to whisper into each other`s ears and yet allows them to gaze into each other`s eyes while they wait for the food. Somehow, time seems to fly, and you are thinking, “I hope the waiter takes longer to serve”. The only difference being, it’s not considered weird for the lady to pay bills now. Note for those that are not married: More often than not, the bank accounts merge after marriage.










This is the stage when the couple has realized that they won`t die if they stop touching the other partner. The lady now sits opposite to the man. Nothings sweet is whispered into each other’s ears …and neither a brush of the shoes send you shiver. An occasional “Sorry!” is heard, when their feet touch under the table. Some of the statements heard are: “Next time, remember not to bring me to this restaurant” & “These guys take so long to serve…why don`t they realize we come here to eat and not talk!”. It is the worst when you see other engaged couples in the restaurant, so much in love, and you just want to let them know that enjoy it while it lasts.


I am yet to discover other phases, but which stage do you relate to?

Facebook Rules!

After spending nearly 3/4th of my day on facebook (henceforth referred to as FB), checking on my close friends status updates, browsing through “not-so-close” friends profiles, learning more about “acquaintances” and spying upon my enemies, I (like everybody else) am hereby going to criticize about how our social life is merely limited to poking, liking, tagging and at the most inviting friends to play games ONLINE!

I personally, am a huge FB fan. It not only connected me to my oldest friend who I didn’t even know existed, but also helps me keep a tag on who’s gaining weight faster than I am! But what bugs me the most is, when this younger generation ( i.e. only a couple years younger than me) would start using acronyms all over FB (You are my BFBFF), which makes it difficult for REGULAR people, who then have to rely on Google to make some sense out of it (I’m not talking about me here. I’m pretty smart!). But once you know it, it’s kinda addictive (See what I did there ;)). For those, not so smart people who want to Google BFBFF now, I’m making your life easier. It stands for Best Facebook Friend Forever :)

Everybody seems to be using FB lingo these days. A colleague walked upto me to tell me that I am not his “Friend”. Can you imagine the plight of a pretty, humble, self obsessed and highly social young girl like me, on hearing this? I was almost going to update my status to “I am shattered” when he made it clear that he was talking about being my FBF (Facebook Friend). I was happy again and posted a smiley on my status, just like this one --> :)

Also, I don’t understand the deal with “like” button. Why does FB bother to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I am awesome. But some people merely use “like’ button to mark their presence and yet avoid making smart comments. They are usually the ones who “like” to sit back and watch rather than participate. Similar is the concept of “poking”. You want your friends to know that you’re thinking of them, yet don’t want to make an effort of saying it. So “poke” around.

A friends Status said “My friend updated on fb that he was standing on the edge of a cliff… so I poked him” :)

And what’s with the relationship status updates? No one seems to take it seriously. One moment people are in a relationship and the other moment they are single. C’mon guys, some of our parents are on FB too. We have to explain it on your behalf. It must be a joke for some, but for some it’s a serious affair. Like when Mrs Bin Laden updated her FB status to single ;)

But it’s not really our fault. It’s the social media which is taking over. Talk about Youtube? It seems to have EVERYTHING you need. Sometimes I have to tell my dance students to dance like no one is going to put it on Youtube :)

I want to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT. (joke courtesy: someone smart)

Now, I’ll sign off at this juncture and update my fb status to “Blog Updated”. Meanwhile, you try to figure out this one “Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like”

On how I grew so smart!

I have had very tough early school years. Behind this “Bright” kid, is a long struggling success story.

Most of you know by now that my sister and I were problem kids. It wasn’t always our mistake that our mother got called to the school often. Like that time when the teacher asked me that dogs question.

She said: “Deepali, if I give you two dogs and then give you two more dogs…how many dogs would you have?”

I said: “Five Dogs.”

The teacher asked this question many times and every time my answer was five. I think after the seventh attempt, she lost her cool and called in my mother. My mother’s answer was ‘Four Dogs’ and even after I reminded her that we already had a dog at home, and the correct answer was ‘Five Dogs’, she only gave me a stare.

But the best part about my growing up years was, that we never had to stay put at one school for more than a year. Thanks to my dad’s profession, we shifted cities so often that we didn’t really have to care about creating a positive impression on our teachers.

In Pathankot, we were admitted in a Convent school. The first day changed everything – they took me to a hall where they had publicly nailed one student on a giant plus sign.

Just to confirm, I asked the girl sitting next to me(who in later years grew to be my BFF ) : “Why do you think that guy has been nailed to a big plus and hanged on the wall?”

Priyanka replied: “Maybe, he failed maths. Why else, would they nail him on a big plus.”

I thanked God, he hadn’t failed English…imagine being nailed to an ‘A’ – a nail through the head for sure.

I didn’t want to meet the same fate….and ended up becoming the best student the school had ever seen.

Now, I could get my report card signed on the same day it was given to me by my teachers – not because I was getting good marks, but because now my classmates had stopped borrowing it to scare their parents.

Soon I became the pet of my teachers. To avoid sitting in classes, I would simply stand outside staff room to remain in sight of teachers who would always have some task for me. This way, I got away with classes, didn’t fall short of attendance and also became everyone’s favorite.

But unfortunately, we left school after another year. And I had to start all over again in the new school. By now, I was an expert :)

flabbergasted, speechless and shocked

We called him “The Jalebi boy”, for he reminded us of the guy from Dhara- Jalebi ad. His smile was to die for. His eyes dripped naughtiness. He would leave no opportunity to play a prank and yet he managed to reserve a place in people’s heart instantly. Even though he was hardly 6 years younger to me, I made it a point to find him in recess (in school) and made sure he called me “Bua” (Aunt) and bowed down to me, in front of his friends, else I would complain to his folks. Yes, I’ve always been a bully.

Years later, we met at my wedding. He had grown into this handsome 19 year old with the same naughty look and a killer smile. Full of life and energy. We met nearly after 6 years, but he still remembered to bow down and call me “Bua” (with a blush this time). He was everything for his grandparents. His grandparents could never stop talking about how lucky they have been to have such a loving and caring boy as their grandson. His dad had high hopes from him. He was a genius too. He was a feather in our family’s hat. Even though he was loved by everybody, he was the closest to his sister.

He lived his life to the fullest. That smile never left his face. While he was preparing to enter the armed forces and serve our country, he also knew how to live in the moment.

Two days back he uploaded a few pics from his recent trip to Hyderabad on facebook. He seemed to be having a gala time with our cousins. Partying till late night, enjoying the streets in an auto rickshaw, posing for the camera, modeling his new pair of glasses, and what not. And today, he’s gone. A person who existed till a day before, who was laughing and enjoying till yesterday, is no more today. He’s gone, leaving his family to grieve forever.

When he left the house with his friend for a drive, his family wouldn’t have realized that they were seeing him alive for the last time. Well, not really. His father did get to see him alive breathing his last breath. He got their just in time to see him close his small eyes forever. He departed his soul in his father’s arms. Imagine a father’s plight, who dreamt his son to be a successful Air Force officer, who nourished his son to being a wonderful human being, who always held his hand through thick and thin so he could be their supporting pillar when they need it the most, seeing his son covered in his own blood.

After screaming under my pillow, howling and weeping in my room for days, sleepless nights, I can’t help but wonder what his last thoughts were. I wonder if he was scared. I wonder if he wanted to see his family for the last time. I wonder if he was relieved to see his father. I wonder if that smile on his face was still there. Guess I would never know. But one thing I can be sure of, that Inder Jamwal (IJ), will always be missed.

It's been 3 days now, but I still feel he would reply to my messages on facebook. I still feel I would wake up tomorrow to realize that this is just a very scary dream. I still feel everybody is mistaken and this is not true.
Inder, please come back :(

Near Death Experience!!!

Lately, my life has been so exciting, I could write a book and I bet it would be a best seller… “The Adventures of Deepali” (Tintin would be ashamed of himself after reading this).

Gone are the days when men were macho. Then they started coloring their hair… a few did the nail polish… some wore shirts with frills… and some got their ears pierced. As men were sucked into the lady’s domain, the average lady entered the macho world. Getting tickets for speeding, watching cricket, enjoying sci-fi action movies and bungee jumping.

I happened to try my hand at bungee jumping too. It has been on my “to-do” list ever since I knew I wanted to be an astronaut. And then I wanted to be a postman, then an engine driver and then Miss World. While my ambitions changed, Bungee Jump always topped my “to-do” list.

I don’t wanna be a jerk and scare you guys, but it is worse than it looks. I’d rather lie flat on railway tracks and die with a heart attack waiting for the train than jump from 215 ft leaving my life to the mercy of a mere rope.

While the staff was buckling me up and preparing me to jump, they tried their best to engross me in small talks. Maybe they smelled my fear and wanted to distract me so I don’t change my mind (or maybe they were concerned I would back out and ask for a refund), but all I could think of was, “who the hell, talked me into this?”

Standing at the edge of the cliff, I remembered how scared I was of heights. I remember that one time when my dad lifted me on his shoulders and I threw up (wonder why no one volunteered lifting me up after that?). All these scary thoughts were crossing my mind, I didn’t even make a final call to my parents, I haven’t embarrassed my sister enough, I am yet to witness Ashish and Mishti (for those who have been irregular to my blog, Mishti is my pet dog) bond.

When the staff was done with buckling me up, I realized, it was just a rope tied to my ankles. No life jacket, not parachute, not jumping with a professional. It was a free fall. Nothing to hold onto. “Why would anyone do such a thing?” “I can’t even jump off the diving board, I most certainly can’t do this”. I wasn’t even done making up my mind that they started their countdown. They didn’t listen to me when I wanted to chicken out.(Bloody bullies!) 5..4..3..2..1 and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…….

I jumped. I remember the feeling. I was so scared that if I weren’t hanging upside down, I would have wet my pants. I almost had a near death experience. This was exactly the feeling that you sometimes dream of. That you are falling off the cliff, there is nothing to hold on to and now you are going to die. But luckily, the moment you fall, your mind gets alert and you wake up.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t a dream. I was sure this wasn’t, because I even slapped myself to wake up, but nothing worked. There was pretty much nothing I could do, so I screamed my lungs out. Like I have never screamed before. Hoping for a super man or a spider man (or even Krishh for that matter) to hear my dreadful screams and come flying to save me from the horror. But no one heard me, rather I heard my sadist husband laughing at my expense. I could even see the life guards laughing at me. They were stunned how a girl of my size could scream that loud. (Even I’ve got certain talents!!! )

Wow! That was some experience. Every time the rope bounced back, it got even more scarier and my screams kept getting louder. But I was happy it was over. One thing off my “to-do” list. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience (trust me, I’m never doing it again). Sky-diving’s next!

Those of you laughing at me, watch my video to have an even harder laugh!!!

My Mind Refuses To Grow

After having lived 25 precious years of my life, I have realized that my mind still feels 16 (Not 18, but 16 ☺). After passing out of school and spending the most entertaining and fun moments with my schoolmates, for nearly a year and a half, my mind refused to accept the fact that my life had moved on. I was still hung on to the football ground, class rooms, my friends, pranks that we played in school, until I started enjoying my life even more in college. I never thought I would ever be able to enjoy my life more than I did in school and I proved myself wrong. Found the most amazing friends (rather, they found me sitting somewhere lost in my past ☺), laughed till tears rolled down, played even sillier pranks, got kicked out of classes and yet no regrets, partied, danced, had a ball. And when the moment came to graduate and leave for masters, howled and shrieked at the airport, hugging each one of them and assuring them that these were the best days of my life and that my life will never be the same.

During first semester of Masters, I was stuck to my college days and bored every prospective friend of mine with my past memories (No wonder some of them prefered remaining "prospective"). Only till I laughed even harder, so hard that I might even have pissed in my pants. I had such a ball that I borrowed my statement and said “no, no. These are the best days of my life”.

Little did I know what was in store for me in the so-called “corporate world”? I knew that life beyond this is only going to be a big struggle, where people are waiting to slaughter and run all over me. Clueless and naive, that I am, was hung on to my MBA memories only until I realized what fun I was having. We laughed, played pranks, ran like kids, bitched and loved each other. I was then forced to again borrow my statement and use it here “These are DEFINATELY the best days of my life”.

I was shifting to a place so unknown and I knew “this is it! It’s over for me. My life can not get better than this.” And to my surprise, it did. ☺ Not only did I meet the most wonderful, pleasing, delightful and lovely flat mate, I made a home in Ahmedabad. I have choked and almost died laughing, I have been pampered like never before, and I have enjoyed every single moment of my stay in Ahmedabad. And now I am again borrowing my statement and using it here “those were the best days of my life”.

Now, I am so hung up on my days in Ahmedabad, that my mind just refuses to live in the present. Waking up in the mornings is the worst. I don’t have Trishna here who would let me sleep and quietly slip out to make us breakfast and lunch. While toasting my bread, I think of how Trishna and I craved for a toaster. Watching Full House, Friends and crazy youtube videos was never this fun. Admiring myself gazing in d mirror is no more fun when she is not around to tell you how you get on her nerves. Quilling has almost come to a halt without my driving force being around. I am so stuck that my mind never stops wondering “This is not how I did it in Ahmedabad. This is how Trishna used to cook. This is what my routine used to be. This is how we labeled our masalas. This is how we would have loud music playing in our house 24X7. This is how she would cook and I would just stand there narrating the entire days happenings to her. This is how we survived summers. This is how we LIVED”. I guess, I am gonna be trapped with these emotions for the longest time now.

The point that I’m trying to make here is that I have had such a wonderful journey, that every phase has been the best phase of my life ☺

This post is dedicated to all my friends. Love you all!!!

Living My Dream

90 out of 100 girls have their weddings planned ever since they knew what it means. When Ken would come in a flower coated Mercedes to marry their little Barbie, they would make every effort possible to put an extra layer of make up on her to make her prettier than what she really was (and mind you, she was the prettiest doll).

A perfect wedding is what they all dream of. They all have a guests list prepared (even though it is modified everyday depending on whom did we fight or make friend with today), sequence of songs,theme, choice of flowers, and some may even have the menu prepared. The point to be conveyed here is, wedding day is the most awaited day in a girl’s life.

I lived my day not very long back. Exactly 2 weeks back at this time I was holding on to Trishna’s hand so tight that she had to chew her lip from screaming. Everything went well (just like how I had thought). It was filmy to core with songs like “jaane nahin denge tujhe” being played when ashish refused to pay
money to my sister and friends when they stopped him from entering the hall. It was thrilling, when my brothers lifted me in air to put a garland around ashish, I was dreading any sort of mishap with my dress. It was romantic, when Ashish and I had our first dance and he couldn’t take his eyes off me. It was dramatic.
Knowing me, the dramatic part had to be stretched. Kanyadan, phere, vidayi, all throughout, tears kept washing away the entire make up on me.

All in all, it was fun. People who claimed to have two left feet were dancing, smiling faces all around,catching up with the entire gamut of relatives, get together of friends after ages, I being in the lime light,content parents, their efforts being appreciated, affectionate parent – in- laws and to top it all, most
loving husband. He managed to sweep me off my feet a year back and yet again he made me fall in love with him all over.

Now, My room (Oops! OUR room) is full of our wedding pictures, everything is working out well, I have started adjusting to this very new lifestyle, everything seems perfect, but the most satisfying part is that with ashish, I am sure to
live my dream all my life :)

Signing off as Mrs Ashish Singh Chauhan :)