It’s been a year of this parenting gig. My baby boy is no longer an
infant, he is now considered a “Toddler”. I never would’ve thought that I would
be struggling with this wonderful milestone, especially since I have been
planning his 1st birthday since we found out we were having a boy (or maybe
even before I became pregnant ;)). Today, I received my weekly
“baby-development” message from babycenter.ca saying, “It is perfectly normal
for parents to feel a mixture of pride at seeing how far you’ve come and
sadness at how quickly your little one has gone from baby to toddler.” I’m so
glad that I still subscribe to these updates. Its messages like this one that
ease my worry that maybe I haven’t gone completely mad. If this white screen
were a piece of paper, it would have wet wrinkly puddles of tears on it.
This past year with Ansh has been a whirlwind and has gone by way too
quickly. Every mom says this, but that’s because it’s true. This year has been
so many things. Exciting, happy, fearful, uncertainty, wonder, awe, amusement
and so much more. It’s hard to even decide how or where to start explaining the
feeling of this past year. To think I never even wanted kids and now we have
this little one that I love so much!
My baby boy turns one today, and my heart just keeps exploding with
fireworks. Every time he smiles, every time his mischievous eyes twinkle. Even
in the wee hours of night, I have nothing but love in my heart for his little
human.
Ansh has been more of a blessing to us than anyone could ever imagine.
What a miracle it has been to experience seeing him in my belly as a teeny
little spec and a little less than two years later a perfectly sweet and full
of personality little boy.
I am pausing to soak up every last moment of this time and taking notes
about all the tiny, little things that I love about my baby, who won’t be a
baby for so much longer. I’m going to do some mom-bragging now.
I’m so proud of my little man. He is such a happy little boy with an
active little mind. He has already accomplished so much. He has been swimming
like a champ, he is a star in his music class, sleep trained, potty trained,
and he’s very close to walking as well.
Here is a list of other fun Ansh-ism:
·
He loves to stand and has the
proudest look on his face when he does. He can even walk along with furniture.
·
He loves climbing up stairs. He is so
quick at it that sometimes you won’t even realise the gate was open and he slid
from between your legs. He will then look back at you and give you a smile of
accomplishment.
·
His favorite things to play with are
remotes, the tissue box, credit cards, and garbage bags. We got him a toy
remote to play with, but he was quick to figure out that the TV doesn’t operate
with this one. He wants the “important” remote that his mom and dad are always
fighting for ;)
·
He gives kisses. Not a lot of them,
but when he does, he really means it. It melts me.
·
He doesn’t like baby food anymore. He
only wants to eat what we eat, unless it’s bland baby food (yeah! We pretend to
eat his food, so it would interest him).
·
He crawls at lightning speed, and
throws everything lying in his way.
·
He laughs a lot. I haven’t met anyone
who isn’t smitten by his laughter.
·
He has recently discovered how to
open and close a door. It’s his favorite activity. He can do it all day long
and then giggle as he does.
·
His eyes! His eyes are the most
gorgeous piece of Gods’ creation ever. His eyelashes go on for miles. People
have asked me if I curl his eyelashes ;) And the funniest thing is, he knows
how to impress ladies with his eyes. He will bat his eyelashes and the twinkle
in his eyes will do the rest.
·
He is the snuggliest baby there ever
was
·
This little boy is such a doll! He
can play by himself and be perfectly content. Though his time span for every
activity is only 15 minutes and then needs a new place/ toy/ activity (I don’t
mind entertaining him all day). He is the ultimate curious little person,
observing anything and everything around him.
·
He loves to read books. He turns each
page as if he is on a mission to find out what happens next.
Okay, I could go on and on and on, but you probably don’t really care.
To be fair, I warned you that I was going to do some mom bragging.
I’d like to wrap up this first birthday post with a letter to my son:
My dear love puddle Ansh,
One year ago today, your dad and I received a precious gift – one that
made our family rich and whole. You were almost 3 days overdue and we couldn’t
wait to meet you.
If I’m being completely honest, I was getting a little impatient… okay
maybe more than just a little. Your dad was convinced that you were going to
arrive on his birthday and that’s exactly what happened. The perfect birthday
present, he said.
You were an 8.1 pounds, perfectly gorgeous baby with a head full of hair
and an infectious smile. I can remember the hours that followed were filled
with complete and total bliss. You dad and nani were here to welcome you in
person and everybody else on facetime fighting each other to see you. There was
so much chaos as to who will hold you next and touch your sweet hands and feet.
Our first night at the hospital, you laid next to me while I watched you
sleep. I felt the rhythm of your breathing. I gazed at the precious swoop of
your nose, the soft flutter of your eyelashes, the length of your fingers, the
curves of your cheeks. I soaked in all the little details of you. I promise I
won’t do that when you’re a teenager.
This has been the fastest year of
my life.
It has flown by at such a speed that
tears come to my eyes and my love-swollen heart silently sobs. How on earth are
you one, my dear? I miss your tiny newborn body and its gentle weight as you
lay on my chest. I miss your bobble head. I remember crying when I put away
your newborn clothes. I didn’t want you to grow up. I remember telling your dad
that you grow with every nap.
Yet I’m overjoyed
you are a year old. I am so enjoying watching you grow and learn and play—and
figuring out new twists of your personality—that I can only pretend to envision
what our next year just might bring. I hope it goes more slowly.
How can I tell you
how much I love you? How is any gift, or birthday cake or party enough to
display to a child the enormous amount of love that a mother carries inside of
her? It’s not. Though I really hope you enjoy your first birthday party. I’ve
been planning it forever and I’m trying my best to make it a grand celebration.
There’s so much I
want to say to you, so I do- when we’re rocking. Dozing off to sleep. Bath
time. Massage time. Driving. You won’t remember any of those moments, so let me
write them down. Maybe if I’m lucky you’ll read this when I’ve taken away your
car because you’ve lost your damn teenage mind.
First thing first,, I want you to know how loved you are. Your dad and I
love you to the moon and back, around the world and back, with every inch of
our heart. I have this thing where I obsessively watch your breathing.
Parenting is a torture. What kind of sickness is this motherhood love? It’s the
kind of love that burns up from my chest until it catches in my throat.
You are also surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends,
admirers and well-wishers who love you like their own child. You are so
fortunate to have this fortress of love around you.
When I breastfeed you (we had a rough start in the beginning- you can
thank me with a Mercs when you get older), I like to place my hand on your head
and stroke your cheek with my finger. It’s my favorite time to pray for you.
I want you to know that you I am not perfect (hard to imagine, I’m sure)
but I’m trying to be the best mom I can be. I can only hope as we walk through
life, that you will see my imperfections loudly enough to not make the same
mistakes in your own upcoming years, but equally, I hope you see how hard I’m
trying. I’ve never worked so hard at anything in my life. I want to teach you
to stand on your own two feet, and make decisions for yourself. I want you to
feel supported while being independent. Be a leader, and follow your heart.
Always, ask questions. Explore. And always remember to laugh along the way.
There’s that damn love bound up in my throat again.
I don’t want to freak you out, but there’s more. Our souls are bonded
together forever. You’re stuck with me. I’m stuck with you. But you’re an
independent person placed here on earth with a job to do completely separate
from me. I don’t like this very much. It means there could be times when we are
estranged, if you need elbow room to make your own mistakes. Maybe you’ll need
to go to Europe to find yourself and you’ll call once a month with a weird
tone. Maybe you’ll marry a girl named Baboosha with a teardrop tattoo on her
face. Oh boy! I’m getting worked up just thinking about it.
I want to protect you with all my existence. Pain and owies. Cold and
illness. Bullies. Social media. Heartbreak. School. Chubbiness and mean kids.
Even though my love wants to put you in a bubble, I won’t. I promise. You might
get mad at me, but we can take it. We’re stuck together, remember?
A few more life lessons:
People who respect their elders reap unexpected blessings. If you need
kindness, be kind. Feed someone who’s hungry. If you love someone, tell them
often. CALL YOUR MOM EVERYDAY.
Because you won’t remember, I’ve written all things down.
My dear Ansh, no matter where you go, we will always be tied together
with an invisible yet powerful string. You are deeply and unconditionally
loved.
Happy first birthday and many many more to come.
With a crazy love that makes me nuts inside,
You mama
