Myths about pregnancy debunked.

I had an early morning meeting that day. I woke up 15 minutes after the alarm stopped ringing, took a quick shower, got ready just in time to have a quick bite of breakfast, packed my lunch and as soon as I was about to step out of the house, I sneezed. Well, I sneezed and in effect wet my pants.

But before you judge me, let me tell you, I am 6 months pregnant and have absolutely no control on my bladder.

Now that I probably have your attention, let me begin my post on how pregnancy is not all that fun.  

Everybody tells you how wonderful it is when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time. They tell you that your baby’s toothless smile is worth a million bucks. They even tell you how they can easily trade their sleep to see their little baby sleep. But what they conveniently forget to mention is the “not-so-fun” phase that accompanies pregnancy. Maybe they don’t want to scare you, or they just want you to go through the same ordeal that they did. Either way, the whole myth about “pregnancy initiates motherly instincts in you”, is such a lie. I haven’t had any such feelings yet, but instead, I can’t wait for it to be over.

Every time someone asks me, how my pregnancy was progressing. I politely say, “Oh! Just fine”. But what I actually want to tell them is, “Just fine, if I could ignore the constant backache, constipation, heartburn, nausea, vomiting, aching feet, incontinence, exhaustion, and my fat/ unmanageable body. And of-course, I’m still only halfway there.”

Yeah, I’m a whole 3 months away, and everyday feels like 1453 days. Days get longer, but nights are worse.

First of all, with every aching part of my body and my basketball sized belly, it’s difficult to get in a comfortable position, and if I do get in a comfortable position, falling asleep with a torturous heartburn and a snoring husband, is impossible. The only thought crossing my mind is, “I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I just want to sleep like my husband”. I bought myself a body pillow (snoogle) and I must say, it has been a relief. I get very comfortable and cozy, tucked in my snoogle. However, as soon as I fall asleep, I get this urge to rush to the washroom.

With the baby sitting on my bladder, it makes perfect sense that one would have to pee more often. It’s not that bad and I don’t even mind getting up 10 times in the night. But what pisses me off (pun intended) is that feeling of urgency and then when you get to the bathroom, all you can show for your discomfort is a tiny trickle. What a huge waste of time! And once again, I have to battle my way to a comfortable position, only to be woken up by my tiny bladder in an hour.

To top it all, now I have to be extra careful when laughing, coughing or sneezing for the obvious reason – incontinence (no control over my bladder). There have been times, when we have had to cut our expedition short, coz I had an “incident”. Now, the thought crossing my mind is, “Guys get off so easy”.

It is such a challenge to drag your BIG (which is only going to get bigger) body with you everywhere. Office, grocery store, gas station, and even to the kitchen. From getting yourself out of bed to tying your shoe laces, everything starts feeling like an accomplishment. I had gone for a yoga class the other day, and while yoga is supposed to relax you, I was further stressed throughout because I knew I will not be able to stand up once I sit down. I was constantly praying to god, “Please grant me the mobility necessary to pull myself up from this freakin’ floor”.

Needless to say, now my poor back isn’t able to take all the extra weight that I have gained, and hence my back gives up on me 2 minutes after I wake up. So here is how my day progresses:

8AM (wake up) – 9 AM (showered and dressed) – 10 AM ( Back ache returns) – 11 AM to 10 PM (exhausted, body pains, heartburn) – 10 PM to 8 AM (Toss and Turn, Get up to pee, toss and turn, back aches, toss and turn, get up to pee, wake up)

And the worst part is, it doesn’t end here. This routine continues for 9 whole months. If you know me, you will also know that I love my sleep, and get irritable when I am not well rested. Imagine not getting good sleep for 9 whole months. You can’t blame me if I snap at my husband for snoring all night. It’s almost like, he is making my life even more challenging by putting me in these testing situations. He is preparing me for the worst.

So I don’t get to eat what I want (all I have eaten in the last 6 months is “green” stuff), I can’t wear what I want, I can’t do activities that I want, I see myself getting bigger everyday, I can’t sleep, my organs are moving to different locations to make space for my growing uterus leaving ligament pains… hell, I can’t even sit straight without getting restless… and then if you tell me that I am a lousy driver – what follows isn’t a mood swing, it’s called, “You asked for it dude!”.

A bit of advice for the husbands: For these 9 months, your wife is allowed to be unreasonable. If she asks you to keep the house clean, never say, “But no one is coming to the house today”. If she asks you to be on time, never say, “Do you always have to be so obnoxiously punctual?” If she makes a wrong u-turn, DO NOT point out that she made a mistake. Chances are, she knows she made a mistake, but is in no mood to hear it from someone else who is living an absolute normal life. If she says, she wants to have an occasional brownie, DO NOT remind her of her cavities and root canals. If she can’t go to the gym anymore, do not come home all sweaty and worked out.

And for others around a pregnant woman, never tell her that she has a long way to go. We know how long it is before that foot jammed in our ribcage comes out. I have been dealing with it for 26 weeks. I mean, thanks for not blurting out that I’m as big as a cow, but I really don’t need to be reminded that I’m not at the finish line quite yet.

Also, never tell a pregnant woman that she looks like she is having twins. Really? Gee, what a witty and hilarious comment. Absolutely original. I see what you did there. You took the size of my bump and implied I was actually carrying two babies. Please let me know when your next stand up gig is? I’ll be sure to send my obstetrician there.

Another one that I heard and absolutely cannot stand is, “wait until… the sleepless nights/ the birth/ you have a toddler”. Guys, this isn’t a competition. I’m not trying to outdo you. I just wanted to have a little moan to a friend. Please don’t use my future to scare me. I’m sure sleepless nights are tough, and the toddler years, as well as sending kids off to university, but I’m not doing that right now. I’m pregnant and every so often I would like to be able to have a moan about my aching back/ my clumsiness without being dismissed as naïve.

However, despite all the battles, I do have my cheerful moments when I’m sitting in a meeting and my baby kicks me. I smile instantly, thinking to myself that no one here knows what just happened. My baby said “hi” to me and no one else even heard/ saw a thing. And then I end up smiling like a moron while in serious conversations with my colleagues. That’s fun!

I found this picture online and I thought it was appropriate to share it here: