18 Till I Die

Yesterday, while filling up a form, I had to tick beside the check box of age group 18- 24. That is when it struck me, I am gonna be 24 and in a year I’ll be checking in 25-30 Years Age Group. As if somebody just smacked me with a bulky and solid rod of reality leaving me spell bound. I went into flash back trying to figure out, where I lost my years from 18 to 23.

Time seems to have stopped when I was 18. It was just yesterday when we had those sleepless nights one day before exams, when we were bumped out of class for being naughty, when we would lie to our parents for catching up with friends, bunking classes for watching movie on the first day, line up outside Principal’s office, those morning assemblies, morning prayers, House on duty, wrong uniform line, forging parents signatures on report cards, promising ourselves to perform better next time, gossip sessions outside cycle stand for hours after school, punctured tires, ripped seats, wet paper ball games, evening tutorials, preparing time tables one month before exams, re-scheduling time table every day, messed up room, yelling mom, no sense of responsibility, secret crushes, borrowing money from friends to lend another friend, spending more time in canteen/ foot ball ground than in classes yet giving lectures to juniors on importance of attending class, tension before results, declaration of results, comparing marks, promoted to next year, parties, night outs… blah blah blah…. I can go non-stop but that’s not what this post is about.

I have all these memories so clear in my mind that I seem not to have grown beyond 18. I have never thought of myself as a working woman, always considered myself as a kid. I am still the same as I was 6 years back (not including the extra kilos), only with some sense in my, then, empty head; an ounce of responsibility and slight maturity.

I have always known my age but it’s only when those small irritating kids of passengers travelling with you call you “Aunty” that you realize you are no more 18. In 6 days I’ll be 24. Where did time fly, where was I all this while. Is this some kind of time- travel, or was I sleeping while growing old and putting on weight? I guess when they say “a person is as old as he feels” holds true. Can’t believe I am saying this coz when I was 18 and someone said:

“Age is what you feel it to be”, I would say “yeah right!!! Grow up!!!”

When they would say, “That man never grows old who keeps a child in his heart”, I would say, “Cut the crap!!!”

Well! I was naïve back then. And Now:

“Wanna stay young for the rest of my life,
Never say “no”- try everything twice,
Till the angles come, and ask me to fly,
I’m gonna be 18, till I die.”
---- Brian Adams

It’s very difficult for me to grow old coz I have a child alive in me, I have a heart full of love in me. As I grow old I realize that I love those most whom I loved first, my family (that includes Mishti). Age is merely an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Plus I can’t stop time. Everybody is bound to grow old, but we have an option of staying young.

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
---- some wise person